The Confidence Code: The Science and Art of Self-Assurance---What Women Should Know Hardcover – April 15, 2014

The Confidence Code by Claire Shipman and Katty Kay is a wonderful book. It's funny (Katty Kay learning to kiteboard), relatable (stellar international leaders Christine Lagarde and Angela Merkel comforting each other when male politicians beat up on them), and easy to read. Well researched, the book contains pages of helpful information, not only to understand why we as a gender tend to lag in confidence but also what to do about it. (Although the book would be good resource for any adult who lacks confidence, it's aimed at women.)Apart from making you feel good, why is confidence important? According to the authors, ..."there is evidence that confidence is more important than ability when it comes to getting ahead," on the job and in life generally. Good compensation, happiness, and professional fulfillment may depend on confidence. Not born confident? Don't worry. "The newest research shows that we can literally change our brains (to make us) more confidence prone."There's a lot of wisdom in the Confidence Code. One nugget is this: "Most people believe they need to criticize themselves in order to find motivation to reach their goals. In fact, when you constantly criticize yourself, you become depressed, and depression is not a motivational mindset." Also, "...Of all the warped things that women do to themselves to undermine their confidence, we found the pursuit of perfection to be the most crippling...you'll inevitably and routinely feel inadequate."But most of us are perfectionists. How do we overcome these behaviors?To get answers, Shipman and Kay interview and cite many thoughtful and engaging experts, who are quoted throughout the book, but the short course is this: Stop overthinking everything. Have courage, take action, congratulate yourself for trying regardless of outcome, and move on. Engage in self-compassion. Practice / do the work. Mastery in one thing spills over into other areas. Meditation can shrink your amygdalae (the region of the brain that amps up fear) and stimulate your prefrontal cortex (the calm, rational area). If that's too much work, concentrate on how you present yourself physically. Practice power positions. Spread out. Take up space. Keep your chin raised. Don't use "upspeak" (i.e. sound like a Valley Girl when you talk).There's so much more, but here's the thing I want you to remember: the development of confidence is volitional - a choice. Or as Shipman and Kay put it: "Our biggest and perhaps most encouraging discovery has been that confidence is something we can, to a significant extent, control." What an important life skill for women of all ages to learn, and to teach their daughters and granddaughters.

Confidence and worrying about what other people think has been a struggle for me lately, so for my next personal development book, I picked up The Confidence Code by Katty Kay and Claire Shipman. These journalists visit some of the top women in society from business, to politics, to professional sports in search of what aids in women’s confidence. They dig into genes, neuroscience, and break down the most efficient way to work on one’s confidence.I enjoyed learning that some confidence is genetic while also neurological. The science that was broken down in the book made a lot more sense as to both why women are the way they are and why men act the way they do. It was interesting to me to know that even top NBA players worry what others think and lack confidence in some way. Science-wise, the most surprising thing I learned is vulnerability and confidence go hand in hand. If you’ve read any other reviews of mine, you know that vulnerability and empathy are something I’ve been working on.The most tangible advice I took from this book is that being authentic is the key to being confident. My only gripe, though, is how do you get the point of being confident enough to be authentic? They discussed taking risks and action but sometimes that’s easier said than done, there was not any tangible to taking that first risk, that first step. It was “just do it.”So now I’m on the hunt for a book that discusses truly not caring what others think and being able to have that confidence to truly not care. Any suggestions?

I'm suspicious of some of the five star reviews of this book. If you check out their total reviews, for many this is their only review, and for others, they have just 2 or 3 reviews, all 5 star. And they gush a bit too much about this book. I'm having difficulty getting through this book because it's boring. It's mainly stories about wealthy, highly educated women, or celebrities, who expressed at some point that they felt lucky or unworthy, etc. There are other things in the book, and it is enlightening in some respects. But it's not geared toward helpful advice for the average woman. I agree with the several other reviews for this book that say much the same thing as I am saying. It's not a total waste of money, and if the stats apply to you, you may find it more applicable to yourself.I did find one thing in the book that I am using, which is that women apologize all the time, whether it's justified or not. I've noticed that I do the same, so am trying to alter this. The response has not been great. The problem is, and perhaps the reason why, women appear to lack confidence and apologize, is because the response when they don't do that is not good. The goal is to get certain things, whether it's a job or a raise or congeniality in the office. I believe that women have learned how to win the end game through experience, and that experience has shown that the best way to do this is to APPEAR more subserviant and pleasant than you are. I saw a documentary once about how girl toddlers & boy toddlers are treated differently, and wondered why girls cry more than boys. You could see in the test that when girl toddlers cried in a child pen area, they got picked up more often than the boys did when they cried. So the girls learned that to cry is to get the result desired, and boys learned that crying did them no good. So the accomplished women in this book, for all their assertions that they attribute their success to luck or whatever, actually did achieve what they wanted, using precisely the things that this book is saying not to use.Maybe the book changes a bit in the second half. If so, I'll update this review. Don't get me wrong...it's interesting. Just not a practical guide for the average American woman.

Honestly, I think this book if full of complete waffle. Like so many self help books, this would have made a half interesting blog post but that's it. I am also deeply suspicious of books that start off looking at lawyers, corporate CEO's and female hotshots as women we should compare ourselves to. And to be told that Sheryl Sandberg lacks confidence is insulting to my intelligence. WTF???If you are a women who suffers from low self esteem and a lack of confidence, I will sum up the Confidence Code for you and save yourself some money - "think less, take action, be authentic"! Got it, great, now apply for the job as head of Facebook.....

Rubbish, I gave up after the first two chapters which talks of endless people and their lack of confidence. Also sexist, how women are less confident than the greatness of men.. I thought it offensive to men and I’m a woman!

This is a great book (one of many that I have read) and I would highly recommend this to girls and women at any stage of their life. I liked the biology, genetics and science that they have investigated (always finds this adds rigour to any self help book) but balanced this with case studies, examples and real life characters. Well done ladies, will be lending this book to girlfriends and my daughter.

Greatly written book supported by research and scientific data, taking into account from various angles of women confidence.I’d say must read for all women - even the confident ones.

Who would have thought Katty Kay would be so forthright about women's dismaying subjective role. She has some bright things to say about how we women should exert ourselves to stand up to men who are often so patronising. Women have been primed over centuries to shrink from claiming our proper role in society.