A Mother's Reckoning: Living in the Aftermath of Tragedy

Since so many of the negative reviews for this book state that Sue Klebold wrote it for monetary profit, I would like to set the record straight. The author profits from the book are being donated to research and to charitable foundations focusing on mental health issues. I think it's important that people know this prior to reading the book, as it removes any doubt that Sue Klebold wrote it for purposes other than to tell her side of the story and to educate the public on hidden mental health issues in teenagers.This is the most difficult book to review that I've ever read. I'm giving it 5 stars for the quality of Sue Klebold's writing, but I have to admit that at times while reading it; I was somewhat put off by her constant praising of her son Dylan. With that said; this is an extremely compelling story of a life gone wrong, and the impact that it had on a small town, state, country, and the entire world. I immensely respect the opinions of the author, and fully understand that the story she tells is exactly as she sees it. It's one thing to be the mother of the son of a suicidal mass murderer, and quite another to be a reader who can in no way know the entire background of the story without having actually lived it. This is the story of a mother who loved her son, continues to do so to this day, and through no fault of her own, missed the signals that something was terribly wrong. This is also the story of a woman who cares deeply about the victims, their families and the survivors. While it may appear to casual readers such as myself that she's proselytizing the attributes of her son; she does so knowing that it will offend some people, but more importantly because at least in her eyes, it's the truth as she sees it.While it's written honestly and with a great deal of compassion and empathy; I personally still have trouble coming to terms with the manner in which she writes about her son Dylan. As mentioned above; it's quite different to view this event through my eyes, than those of the author. I'm trying to be as objective as possible and to place myself in a similar situation to hers, but find that impossible to do. After completing the first part of the book; I was upset by her effort to diminish blame for the Columbine tragedy on her son and his accomplice, Eric Harris. I couldn't help from feeling as if Sue Klebold was trying to portray her son as just a slightly troubled teenager, no different than any other teenager that you see everyday. I felt as if the first part of the book delved much too heavily on how wonderful Dylan was, and far too little on the devastating consequences of what he and Eric did. Than again, I ask myself if I would have reacted any differently.As the book progressed, she finally started to address the victims of this horrendous crime. I believe that Sue Klebold was being completely honest throughout the book, but despite her good intentions; I was still left with the feeling that too much time was spent on her trying to absolve herself from guilt, and too little time spent on addressing the fact that there were real warning signs that possibly could have prevented this horrendous calamity. She mentions that both Dylan and Eric were arrested the previous year for breaking into a van. She also mentions that her son wrote a paper that was so graphically disturbing that she and her husband were summoned to the school to learn of its contents. Than, as I continued to read the book; I kept second guessing my own opinions of her. One moment I was viewing her in a very negative way, the next moment I felt total empathy and compassion for Sue Klebold. I kept telling myself that it wasn't my right to question her motives, after all, she's the one who lived through it, not me.To me, there were plenty of warning signs. Obviously, regardless of these signs, no one would ever expect that their child would be capable of committing such an atrocity. Yet, with these warning signs being front and center; it would certainly have been enough for intervention to have taken place. Obviously they weren't, but why not. It's easy for me to say that faced with the same set of signals, I would have reacted differently. Who knows; unless you've lived it first person, how can you know for sure that you would have heeded the warning signs. Teenagers are adept at hiding their feelings, and although many of the same signals play out on a daily basis in homes across America, crimes such as this, don't. While the actions of Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris should be viewed as abominable, the fact that Dylan suffered from hidden depression plays a major role in his behavior.It's nearly impossible for me to be critical of Sue and Tom Klebold, as no one can possibly know what it was really like to be in their shoes, except themselves. Speaking only for myself; I'd like to think that presented with the warning signs mentioned above, I would have intervened. Perhaps I too would have been blindsided, as she says they were. Yes, it's hard for me to imagine such a scenario, but than again, how do I know for sure that I wouldn't have been blindsided too.I most certainly feel incredible empathy for what her family has gone through, but on the other hand, after reading the book; had I been one of the parents of the victims or one of the injured survivors; I would have felt as if she was being somewhat disingenuous in her portrayal of the situation. This is not meant to diminish her portrayal of the way things played out. I honestly believe that Sue Klebold feels as if she was honest and forthright in her appraisal of the situation, but I'm left with the uncomfortable feeling that this book is more about making her feel better, than about addressing the disaster straight on. That is, until I continued reading. It becomes obvious that Sue Klebold is a kind, compassionate person. She is not to blame for what her son did. As atrocious as his and Eric's actions were; they were not the result of bad parenting on the part of the Klebold's.It gives me no pleasure to at times being critical of this book. I think it's nearly impossible to read it without getting upset and shaken to the core. The subject matter is incredibly sad, as is the situation that the Klebold family and all of the victims families are in, and will be for the rest of their lives. Had the book been more oriented on the devastating impact of Dylan's and Eric's despicable actions; I would have finished it feeling that justice had been done to the story. Having completed it; I now realize that it's not possible for justice to be served. Without diminishing the fact that Sue Klebold obviously feels tremendous pain at what her son did; I'm still left feeling as if she spent too much time talking about the virtues of her son. That's when I come to realize that she does so in order to drive home the fact that in most ways he was a normal, loving child. It leaves the reader wondering, if such a loving son, from such a loving family, could commit such a despicable act of violence, couldn't the same thing take place from other loving homes. Everything about this book leaves you wondering, questioning, asking what's right and what's wrong. In the end, there simply are no definitive answers.Toward the middle and end of the book, there's a lot of talk about child suicide and how depression can be masked so well by teenagers. I'm not doubting any of this. What I find troubling is that there's a heavy emphasis throughout the book on Dylan's suicide, but not enough on the homicide that he committed. Granted; Sue Klebold is writing about her son for whom she has unconditional love. I know that I wouldn't have the ability to talk about my own son in such a positive light, had he committed such a horrendous crime. Once again, since I'm not in her situation; it's impossible to know how I would react. I guess what I'm trying to say, is that faced with a similar situation; I believe I would not be able to ever feel unconditional love toward the perpetrator of such a crime, regardless of who it was. My heart would bleed for the victims and the families, at least that's how I think I would react. Sue Klebold does not make excuses for what Dylan did, but she tries to explain that due to his hidden depression, he was suicidal. Once he teamed up with Eric Harris, the suicidal intentions became a carefully planned mass murder, with suicide as the anti-climatic finish. This was a well though out out plan; it's incredibly sad that no one saw it coming.In summary; I come away from reading this book with mixed emotions. The writing is superb, and I do feel as if the author is speaking from her heart. I believe that she's being totally honest when she talks about how much she loved and continues to love her son. I believe that her compassion toward the victims families is genuine and heartfelt. Her extensive coverage of suicide prevention, knowing the signs of depression, etc. is to be commended. I believe her when she says that her family saw no warning signs to the impending disaster. It's just that I want to believe that faced with a similar scenario; I would have been more aware of these signs. While they obviously didn't see them; the warning signs were there. Her son did a terrible thing. This is a no win situation, and regardless of how I feel, nothing will reverse the course of history. I only wish that the author had spent a little less time praising her son, and a little more time coming to terms with the devastation that he caused to so many people. While it was an integral part of the story, I felt as if there was too much time spent talking about the lawsuits against the family.Finally; I know that there were many survivors of the tragedy who will be physically and mentally challenged for the rest of their lives. Some are unable to walk, others have other physical disabilities. All are emotionally scarred for life. Sue Klebold wrote compelling letters to all of the survivors. In addition, she wrote letters to the families of the deceased. These were heartfelt, sincere letters that were extremely difficult for her to write. This is a caring woman who was dealt a horrible blow. The actions of her son can never be forgiven, but to blame her for what her son did is wrong. What he and Eric did is beyond comprehension, but aside from missing signals that any parent could miss, it's not fair to blame the messenger. Yes, I'm still left with the feeling that something could have been done to prevent this tragedy. After reading the book, however, I'm not placing blame on anyone. Placing blame accomplishes nothing, and faced with the exact same set of circumstances, I have no doubt that many people would have done things exactly the same way.I don't think that Sue Klebold is in denial; I actually feel quite the opposite. This book was her sincere effort to explain how her son was raised, and how, despite the loving home he lived in, something went dreadfully wrong. There is no doubt that this kid was loved, no doubt whatsoever. Perhaps had it not been for Eric Harris, this catastrophe may have been averted. It would be nice to hear from the Harris family, but it's unlikely that we will. It does appear that Eric Harris was the lightning rod behind this event, but without additional information, we'll never know for sure. Certainly, both boys are responsible for the carnage.I don't think that it's possible for any of us to truly know all of the answers to this incredibly sad story; we can only move on and learn. I wish the best to Sue Klebold and her family. I especially wish the best to the victims families, and to all of the survivors who are coping with this tragedy every day of their lives. It's difficult to imagine what it's been like for the survivors and for the victims families. April 20, 1999 changed their lives forever. The immense power of empathy is needed for every person affected by this awful event. Hopefully the passage of time will heal. Perhaps forgiveness is the only way to truly survive this unthinkable tragedy.

To start off this review, I would like to say I have lived in Colorado my whole life and I am 27. With that being said, I was 4 when Columbine happened and only learned about it growing up, not directly when it happened.There is many layers to this book and a lot to digest. Let me begin.In the beginning of the book, Sue starts off saying what happened when she first learned of Columbine and how her son was involved. Throughout the book, Sue talks about how kind, thoughtful, and sweet Dylan was growing up. It’s hard to read this part because we cannot imagine a mass murder as a “sweet, kind person”. She first thinks he may be a victim of the shootings because they don’t own guns and she would have never guessed that he could do that, but she soon learns it was him and Eric.In his junior year, he started to get into trouble with his friend Eric. Eric had a bad anger problem and at times, Dylan tried to distance himself. Sue discusses how he would get into trouble but then he would show overly great behavior that would throw everyone off. He went back and forth where he would do something bad and then seem like he learned from it and go on a streak of good behavior for a while. She ultimately writes a timeline of what happened throughout his life up until the shooting and then after. She does not make excuses for Dylan’s actions, she knows exactly what he did, more than anyone else does. But her whole book is about trying to understand why he did what he did. She questions her parenting and the things she should have asked him and done for him. Yes, he got into trouble with school, the law, etc. But, he was in a program just months before the shootings where the counselors ended it early because they believed Eric and him to have completely learned from their actions. That just goes to show how well they deceived everyone in their lives. Parents, teachers, law enforcement, etc. Also, we need to remember this was in 1999. There were no cell phones to check, mental health issues were not as well talked about as they are today, and shootings were not as common as they are now. It is a different time and I don’t believe anyone would have expected it. Dylan kept nothing about it in his room except for his journals where he wrote about how sad he was. I think in hindsight, there is a lot of red flags when you put them all together, but I do not blame her for not recognizing that. Her son that she loved and well knew was not the same person she learned about after the shootings.For me personally, it gave me mixed emotions. I feel so bad for Sue, she did not ask for this and I truly believe she had no idea. Was there signs he was depressed? Yes. But as I mentioned, I believe Sue loved her son and he knew that she loved him. She talks about it frequently throughout the book. Many times with suicides and killings, as she mentions, the person will act completely normal in order to throw off anyone who may deter them from their plans. I could not imagine as a mother losing my child, let alone losing them and knowing they took 13 people with them and injured many more. You cannot expect her to hate her son, that is her child who she loved. She never knew the side of her son who killed people and was filled with rage. It’s sad because I feel so bad for Sue and her family, I feel bad for all of the victims and their families, and I do feel sad for the two shooters, because they were mentally not in the right headspace where they felt that they needed to kill people in a horrible massacre. Any way you look at it, it is sad.I believe it’s relevant to read as we experience these shootings happening every day in America. Sue talks about what she wishes she would have done. I think after reading this, parents can have a better idea of what to look out for when it comes to mental illnesses and what to look out for with concerning behavior from your children.I appreciate Sue for writing this book, I’m sure it was not easy writing it. It is important to hear different view points, and this book was very hard to read but one of the best books I have read to date.

This was a harrowing read at times, of course but was also a fascinating perspective by Dylan's mum. I'm with her, I'd always say the parents in this situation were clearly rubbish at their job and really couldn't have missed what their kids were planning but after reading this you can see that her and Tom and ALL Dylan's pals clearly had no idea whatsoever how much this boy had changed and how he thought deep down. It has to be such a shocking, horrible thing to realise. Certainly hard enough that your boy's killed himself, but to have spree-killed others too ?? I don't know how anyone would ever get their head around that.This struck a chord with me-"I would have said, with confidence, that I knew exactly what he was capable of. And I would have been wrong" and so did this mention of the boys' journals-"Eric drew pictures of weapons, swastikas and soldiers; Dylan drew hearts". Quite the difference. I also found this was a powerful passage-"I parented the best way I knew to parent the child I knew-not the one he had become without my knowledge".I have to say, until I read Dave Cullen's Columbine, I had always thought Dylan was the ring-leader as for me, he was the more scary one in "those" tapes we've all seen. However, his little pal Eric was the instigator. This passage summed it up-"Eric Harris wanted to kill and Dylan Klebold wanted to die". Without feeding off each other perhaps neither scenario would ever have occurred.I found it touching that Sue's donated all her profits from this book and I also thought it nice she returned all monies sent to the family in the aftermath of the tragedy as well. The family are good people.I found it shocking that whe whole world knew what was happening yet I probably knew before Sue and her family what was going on and who was responsible. That's just ludicrous. I was also shocked to learn the first of possibly many lawsuits was filed days after the tragedy !!! That doesn't sit well with me.This was a brave project for Sue to undertake and I hope that the victims' parents also read it and maybe learn it could so easily have been the boot on the other foot.

The book is written by DK mother, one of the shooters at Columbine.It's a heavy, heartbreaking read on how we never really know our kids, and what we could do to change this.My feelings were conflicted with some of her writings, particularly as it seems to lessen the accountability by her son for his part in what happened.DK was a killer, the events were planned, that's murder, and his depression although a part of the many issues the two killers had is still not a reason as to how he woke up one day, strapped on guns and took part in a rampage that devastated so many families.DK lack of empathy, his cold hearted slaughtering is not addressed by the author enough.There is a lot of failures, but I believe DK was an active player, his "Suicide " was undertaken in a way which caused maximum damage, she accepts this but reiterates her son was also a victim.Sometimes its better to stay quiet.This book gives no more understanding into DK mindset. A lot of how nice he was, how sweet, and I don't doubt it. But he was also a cold hearted killer who knew exactly what he was doing.

I went into this book with an open mind and came out having a lot of respect for Sue Klebold. She is clearly a decent woman who did her best raising Dylan and I don’t consider the massacre to be a result of bad upbringing at all. Life must have been hell for her since and I have so much sympathy, grieving for a son who she obviously had love for but also trying to come to terms with the horrific event he took part in would have been destroying. Coping with a child’s suicide is heart breaking enough but also having to deal with him being responsible for other deaths and injuries makes it 100 times worse, not to mention the general public speculating what a bad Mother she must have been. I like the way Sue Klebold openly tells the story but doesn’t pass negative judgement on Eric and his family which other victims in a similar position would naturally be inclined to do. Evidence suggests Eric was the instigator of Columbine and Dylan was a lost teenager who ended up going along with it but Klebold doesn’t bitterly preach this in the slightest. She is aware that although Dylan didn’t have the psychopathic tendencies Eric possessed, he was still responsible for his own actions. She comes across as a caring lady who feels constantly guilty about the destruction her son caused. Sue Klebold should be proud of this honest account and donating all of the book profits to mental health charities (plus the work she has done for them over the years), in such a messed up situation I think it shows a great amount of courage and kindness.I don't think people should read this searching for clues or answers about why the murders happened; unfortunately these types of cases often don’t have clear cut reasons. In my mind it boils down to a couple of teenagers with serious mental health problems that lost the plot to the point of barely knowing the difference between fantasy and reality.

This is the heartbreaking story of a mother's love for her son set against grief and tragedy. Sue Klebold does not excuse her son's actions and can not forgive them but she has tirelessly sought to understand their origins. It makes for a heartbreaking and torturing read, especially for a mother. Reading A Mother's Reckoning could very well prevent further devastation, Klebold writes with searing honesty for where she feels she could have done more. Where perhaps through no fault of her own she could not see her son was in a crisis. Hindsight is a painful concept. I just hope she is able to think of her son with love, remembering the little boy she raised rather than who he was in the moments before he died.The book is an apology for the victim's families, a word she was encouraged by lawyers not to verbalise in public. Klebod feels the guilt for the families, she feels the guilt of the world following her son's actions, she feels the guilt for her son and she feels the heartbreaking sorrow of losing a child. My heart breaks for her but I hope her bravery helps her find solace in the fact it could so easily have been another child, holding a gun. We are all one step away from standing in Sue Klebold's shoes, yet Klebold uses her experience and hindsight to give us the means to ensure we are not in fact standing in her place.A Mother's Reckoning is also a window into understanding brain illnesses and how if we destroy the sigma surrounding them and we learn to talk and understand we may very well save lives.

A very brave book by an interesting, if slightly obsessed woman, that delves into the meaning of being a parent as much as it does the nature of dealing with deep tragedy and loss.I have my questions about the veracity of some of Mrs Klebold's claims, but for the most part she is relating her own unique experience of the events around Columbine and how they affected her and those close to her, so my doubts are perhaps without answers.This book broadened my perspective about the culture and society I live in (UK) and my awareness of mental health issues many suffer with every day. Understanding such things better enables me to empathise with the sufferers more and has certainly improved my relationship with some of the individuals I come into contact with in my professional life.Columbine has become a term which has expanded beyond its own boundaries to encapsulate a sense of horror, tragedy, miscomprehension and helplessness which meanders through all our lives today, whether under the guise of gun crime in the US or random terrorist acts in the UK and elsewhere. Klebold's book tackles these issues head on, no-holds-barred and with glaring honesty, encompassing the effects of child crimes on the wider psyche and how it is our nature to deny first and only after time has passed, slowly accept what can no longer be avoided about the young persons we live with every day, take to school, shop for, feed and share holidays with.If nothing else, this is a refreshing viewpoint on a still painful subject, the literature around which is often bursting with conspiracy theories and sensationalism. It helps to humanise what has long been considered inhuman, and acknowledges the fact that the perpetrators of school shootings and terrorist attacks are all somebody's children, and that there may parents grieving the loss of their child every time something like Columbine happens. It's never just about the perpetrators and their immediate victims, for the victims are many and varied as this book eloquently and intelligently explains.