The Courage to Be Disliked: The Japanese Phenomenon That Shows You How to Change Your Life and Achieve Real Happiness Paperback – May 7, 2024

The Courage to Be Disliked completely transformed the way I see myself, my relationships, and the world around me. This book is more than just self-help—it’s a deep, thought-provoking conversation that challenges everything you think you know about happiness, freedom, and interpersonal relationships.What I love most is its simplicity and clarity. The dialogue-style format makes complex psychological ideas easy to understand, and the lessons hit hard. The biggest takeaway for me? We are not controlled by our past, and we don’t have to live for the approval of others. That truth alone felt so freeing.It’s not always an easy read—not because it’s difficult, but because it forces you to confront deeply ingrained beliefs about validation, control, and personal responsibility. But if you’re open to it, this book can shift your entire mindset.I’ve read a lot of personal growth books, but The Courage to Be Disliked is one I’ll return to again and again. If you’re ready to stop overthinking, let go of what others think, and embrace true freedom, this book is a must-read.

In “The Courage to Be Disliked,” authors Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga present a compelling dialogue that bridges the gap between psychology and philosophy, drawing on the principles of Alfred Adler, a founding figure of individual psychology. The book is structured as a conversation between a philosopher and a young man, providing a unique narrative style that engages readers on both intellectual and emotional levels.One of the most significant contributions of this work is its exploration of the human desire for approval versus the necessity of self-acceptance. Kishimi and Koga argue that the need for recognition from others often leads to a life dictated by external expectations, thereby stifling personal growth. They challenge readers to cultivate the courage to be disliked, a radical notion in a society that often prioritizes conformity and seeks validation through social acceptance.The authors delve into the importance of embracing one’s individuality and the role of community in fostering personal development. They advocate for accountability to oneself and the value of authentic relationships over superficial connections. This perspective is particularly relevant in today’s hyper-connected world, where social media often blurs the lines between genuine interactions and performative relationships.Moreover, the book resonates with biblical principles, emphasizing themes of personal responsibility and the transformative power of self-acceptance. Readers familiar with spiritual teachings will find profound connections between Adlerian psychology and scriptures that promote love, understanding, and community engagement.The dialogue format maintains a refreshing pace, inviting readers into a philosophical inquiry that prompts introspection. With each turn of the page, Kishimi and Koga’s insights provoke thought and reflection, offering practical guidance that readers can apply to their own lives.While some may find the ideas challenging or even counterintuitive, “The Courage to Be Disliked” ultimately serves as an empowering manifesto for anyone seeking to break free from the shackles of societal expectations. It encourages a shift in mindset, proposing that true happiness lies in the acceptance of oneself rather than the pursuit of external approval.In conclusion, “The Courage to Be Disliked” is not merely a self-help book; it is a philosophical treatise that compels readers to rethink their understanding of self-worth, relationships, and personal freedom. Whether you are a seasoned scholar or a curious newcomer to these concepts, this book is a valuable addition to your library—an enlightening read that promises to foster growth and enhance one’s journey towards self-discovery.

“The Courage to be Disliked” is “a distillation of [Alfred] Adler’s philosophical and psychological ideas and teachings” (p. ix) through the filter of the Japanese philosopher, Ichiro Kishimi. Fumitake Koga wrote a Platonic-like dialogue to convey these ideas as a vaguely Stoical guide to living one’s life. The ideas include (1) separating tasks, focusing on what is in your control and what is not; (2) living in the present rather than dwelling on past failures; (3) deriving one’s value from how one contributes to the well-being of others, the community; (4) not deriving one’s value from the approbation of others, and having the courage to be disliked (i.e., don’t seek validation or approval of others but do what is right); and (5), perhaps the most difficult to accept, that we are not the victims of our circumstances.The English translation tends to be stilted. (No credit is given to a translator, so it may be that this was machine-translated.) Nonetheless it is passable and conveys the ideas mostly in a clear fashion. Christians and adherents of Stoic philosophy will recognize many of the concepts being described and promoted.