When Your Adult Child Breaks Your Heart: Coping With Mental Illness, Substance Abuse, And The Problems That Tear Families Apart Paperback – December 3, 2013

My beautiful adult daughter has been suffering with mental illness (ADHD, depression, bi-polar, OCD, suicide threats/attempts and oppositional defiance disorder) for most of her life which of course has affected my family, friends and her boyfriends - not to mention has involved schools, universities, police and social workers throughout the years. Like so many, we've taken her to counselors, doctors, psychiatrists, and sought help from mental health groups. She's been on and off medication to the point that we can't even keep track. Most of the time she's good to be around and we just hope it lasts; yet when she tanks it happens fast and furiously. And by furiously, yes, she is violent.Her last episode was over a year ago and resulted in her being arrested. With much counseling and advice - and without going into details - I'm not sure that I will ever see her again. This breaks my heart and even though I believe what my husband and I are doing is the best, this book really has helped me. It is written by professionals, gives case examples and is probably the first book I've come across that cites actual studies involving mental illness patients! Finally I had some numbers behind statements. Of course, mental illness is extremely difficult to study; yet the studies cited help to at least see if situations are occurring more or less than average for similar situations. Of course, this doesn't give "answers" but gosh it was helpful to me.It is written from a very balanced perspective, good logic behind comments/statements and really approaches mental health situations holistically. I would recommend it to anyone that is experiencing mental health situations with someone you love who breaks your heart. What I like is that it helps bring balance and understanding to when one can help, and some guidance when there's really not much more you can do.I've read a lot of books, blogs and etc for years which have been helpful yet not like this book has been - which I almost feel has been life-changing. This book has really helped me to see that these situations happen to more than just our family (which I knew but for some reason this book really gave me real clarity), it's not just me or my fault (because people suffering from mental illness often blame everyone else except themselves for their problems), and that things can get so bad that you can/should just move on with your life without that person being involved or at least limited interactions. Even though we'd pretty much gotten to that point with our situation, this book helped me feel more confident with our decision and helped me understand how I can handle the situation should my daughter ever decide to get help and want to come back into my life. Historically when she's done that, I've just accepted her and pretended like nothing bad ever happened. Evidently that hasn't worked :) so I need to change how I interact with her in the future. This wasn't a new idea to me; yet this book helped me see that I really wasn't helping the situation despite my "fixer" tenancies (I always think situations can be fixed and some simply can't - especially when dealing with mental illness).Even though I'm a person that overall has a great life - wonderful husband, family and career; is very active, helps others regularly, volunteers and etc - and am pretty much am in control of my emotions, this situation has been a true kick to my soul. So I cannot adequately express the emotional relief/stability this book has given me. A huge thank you to the authors for writing this book.

I can’t tell you how sad it is to read some books that blame everything on parents. There are people out there that have tried their very best to parent their child. Yes, there are parents that have done horrible things to their children, this is not what I am saying. One thing people forget it children are in school and daycare for hours per day, society/culture does have an impact on our children. Parents make mistakes, we are humans. However, any parent that has poured their lives, with blood, sweat, tears and hard work, into their children’s lives will know exactly what I’m talking about. We need help/guidance too, we need understanding too. Sometimes when our children get into the wrong company and make the decision to go with that crowd, parents are left in tears and families are torn apart. All I see is the mental health professionals doing is giving children ammunition to keep going their own way. No accountability whatsoever. Parents hands are tied behind their backs. This book will help you and we may not have peace of mind, we may be in a constant state of concern, however this author understands that their are tough decisions to be made and the guidance is appreciated. Thank you so much!

My experience with a bipolar son who has also abused substances has socially isolated my husband and I from many friendships making us social outcasts of a sort., Thus the info and suggestions offered in this book were greatly welcomed in this very needy area of our lives. The book is written from a secular viewpoint as well as a conventional medical worldview. Nevertheless, the suggestions and advice are definitely very helpful!

I am the mother of an adult child with diagnosed BP disorder, ODD, and ADHD. My daughter was diagnosed at an early age and until she was 18 was medicated and went to her psychiatrist as was directed. Once she turned 18, we had her leave home...she went off her meds (tired to before 18, but we were able to control that) and took herself down a path of destruction. This is the first book that I have read that validates the decision to break away from your mentally ill adult child!We haven't really spoken to her much in the last couple of years because she has chosen to make decisions that we cannot let affect our other child (8 years old). Chaos follows her wherever she goes, and while we love her and pray for her, we choose not to have a relationship with her. It is heartbreaking and many people cannot understand our decision, but this book truly made me feel like someone out there "gets it". This is truly a good book for anyone struggling with an adult child who breaks your heart...

This is a very practical quide for parents of adult children who have a severe mental disease(s) and/or addictions. The myriad of challenges confronting these families are addressed; getting a correct diagnosis, definitions and symptoms of various mental illnesses and addictions, treatment options, setting boundaries, navigating the health care and government systems, are some of the topics covered. The writing is clear and concise, the information useful and backed by current research, and the advice offered is realistic.There is much wisdom in the pages of the book. The profiles and stories of struggling families also rang true. One of the most heartbreaking realizations for me has been to face that there is no solution or cure for my child's issues and disease. Yet the book offers hope in terms of viable treatments, therapy options, and pragmatic advice in setting parameters for troubled adult children and their families.