Falling into You

Every once in a blue moon, I read a book that leaves a big gaping hole in my heart. There must be a blue moon because my heart is a bleeding mess. Let me fill you in on my first experience reading a book by Jasinda Wilder.I'm not one who cries easily or shows a great deal of emotion. I'm pretty good at hiding my feelings and holding it all in. There have been a few books that certainly made my tears fall and my nose sniffle. Falling Into You now proudly takes the top spot on my "you made me cry" book list. The dedication alone was a tearjerker:"This book is for anyone who has ever lost a loved one, for anyone who has woken up crying and gone to bed the same way, for anyone who has had to learn that it's okay to not be okay. Surviving isn't strength, it's continuing to breathe one day at a time; strength is learning to live despite the pain."You know from the synopsis what's going to happen. You know from page one it's coming."I wasn't always in love with Colton Calloway; I was in love with his younger brother, Kyle, first. Kyle was my first one true love, my first in every way.Then, one stormy August night, he died, and the person I was died with him.Colton didn't teach me how to live. He didn't heal the pain. He didn't make it okay. He taught me how to hurt, how to not be okay, and, eventually, how to let go."Best friends and inseparable from birth, Kyle and Nell spent the first 16 years of their lives growing up together. Then suddenly, they see each other in a new and exciting light. So their relationship takes a turn:"And now we're learning how to fall in love together. I don't care what any one else says. I love you. I'll always love you, no matter what happens with us in the future. I love you now and forever. - Kyle"And even though that seed has been planted in the back of your mind, you can kind of forget the inevitable for a while. Because it's a beautiful, poignant love story. A story of firsts. First best friend, first true love, first time. Jasinda Wilder's exceptional writing poetically walks you through all those "firsts" and you feel them...potently. It's sweet and beautiful and awkward and scary and lovely. The author's writing is just THAT PHENOMENAL.It was so easy to fall in love with Kyle and Nell. Their naïveté and innocence was heartwarming."Nothing mattered but the delirious joy of Kyle, of my first kiss, of making out with my best friend, the only guy I'd ever really cared about."But then the inevitable occurs:"You can't Nell. Just...hold my hand. I love you"It's painful, heart wrenching, and tragic. It hurt. So very much! As much as it pained me to do so, I had to shut down my Kindle & walk away. My eyes were stinging and dreadfully blurry. I could barely focus on the words. Jasinda tugged on every possible raw, gut wrenching emotion. I was openly grieving for a fictional character."I wanted nothing more than to climb into the box with him and quit breathing, find him in whatever came after life."The emotional intensity didn't end there. It was a constant presence throughout the rest of the book. Nell couldn't move on. She wouldn't let the pain out. Then Colton shows up. And they have a connection."... it had felt too right, nestled in his arms. Too comforting. Too natural. Too much like home."But...Colton is Kyle's older brother who has been estranged from his family for years. Truthfully, I wasn't sure how I would feel about him. I loved Kyle, a lot. But Kyle was gone. He shouldn't have been gone but he was. And Nell really needed to heal. She was in a bad way, doing things that will rip your heart out. I wanted to help her heal. Colton wanted to help her heal. He understood her and wouldn't give up on her. He taught her it was okay to not be okay."You can't hold it in forever," Colton said."Feel. Grieve. Let yourself feel the anger at the fact that he was taken from you. Feel the loss of him . Feel the sadness and the missing him. Don't block it out, don't cut so it stops, don't drink yourself numb. Just sit and let it all rip you apart. And then get up and keep breathing. One breath at a time. One day at a time. Wake up, and be shredded. Cry for a while. Then stop crying and go about your day. You're not okay but you're alive, and you will be okay, someday"Every page, every sentence, every second of this story was as painful as an open wound. I was constantly fighting back the tears (with no such luck). I hurt for Nell. I hurt for Kyle. I hurt for Colton. I was shattered. My heart was shredded. But eventually there was hope and healing."You don't ever really let go, though. You don't stop. You don't stop hurting, you don't stop loving. It doesn't go away, you just keep living and eventually s*#t gets pushed into the background of your life so it's not consuming you every day. And then one day you know you're okay. It still hurts, you still miss that person. And yeah, you forget the details. The way she smelled, the way her mouth tasted, how her skin felt, the sound of her voice. It's almost like a different life, a different person that loved her, was with her. But on a day-to-day level, you know you're okay. Sort of."Colton was very different from Kyle. Colton was streetwise, dominating and fierce. And HOT! Tattooed, bad-boy HOT! (Yeah, I had to throw that in there.) There were some crazy steamy scenes between Colton and Nell. (Surprised the hell out of me!) But Colton and Nell really were perfect together. They found in each other a source of comfort and relief, a different kind of love than they previously had with those before them, and most of all they learned how to live again."But we have to learn to be free. We have to, Nell. Doesn't mean happy all the time, or okay all the time. It's okay not to be okay. I told you that, but I'm relearning it myself. But not being okay doesn't mean you stop living."This book blew me away, leaving me with a seriously intense book hangover from which I don't know how to recover. I've lost sleep thinking about Kyle. I need to keep reminding myself that these are book characters. It's the kind of story that's very difficult to let go of and move on. It's one of those books that will stay with me forever. If you like to feel, truly feel what you read, grab a box of tissues and a glass wine, get comfortable and pick up this book. It will be a cathartic experience, which I believe we all need every now and then.

I own an e-book copy - 4.5 Stars"I wasn't always in love with Colton Calloway; I was in love with his younger brother, Kyle, first.Kyle was my first one true love, my first in every way."Loved this book, and that's how it starts! I spent most of my time crying, but as weird as it sounds, it endears me to a book even more, as does laughing my way through one. Whatever emotions one experiences when reading makes no difference. It's experiencing any emotion whatsoever that makes it special. I'd only just started the story and boom, I was doing the ugly cry. Think I even told the author as much on Facebook. These stories drain me, but they also uplift me because no matter how sad life can be at times, it can also do an about turn and be uplifting. This story is both. I still felt like my heart hadn't fully healed where Kyle was concerned by the end, but that's understandable.Nell and Kyle have been friends for forever. It's one of those cases where the girl grows up being best friends with the boy, and that's just what they are and always have been. And then, as life happens and they get older, feelings and relationships change, like they did when Nell announced one day that she was asked out by Jason Dorsey - the boy she thought came close to the perfection (but not exactly) that is Kyle. Kyle was not too pleased with the situation, and Nell was quite pissed off with his behaviour. She mulls things over, as we all do, wondering if he now liked her in... that way? He does of course, but boys usually take longer telling girls these things. Best I tell you that not only have they been best friends since the day they were practically born (same hospital, two days apart), their parents are friends. They were inseparable. Makes these type of situations either better or harder. In their case, both sets of parents were pleased, still doing what I'd expect any good parent to do - have a talk, something which embarrassed both, but they got over it. Their relationship heats up in an intense way and they, unbeknownst to their family prior to the 'talk', had started partaking in the sexual side of their relationship. They were beautiful together. Truly. I want to grab tissues once again as I type this. Darn! Then came the day when they'd both turned eighteen, and they'd been asking to be allowed to go away together instead of having a big bash. Both sets of parents agreed to allow them to spend a weekend at Kyle's family's cabin. Here they relax and chat about their futures, mainly college. On the Saturday after having gone out for dinner, they return to the cabin where before they even make it inside, Kyle proposes. She's the one, has always been the one, and will always be the only one for him."Nell, I love you." His hand trembled slightly as he opened the box, revealing a half-carat princess-cut diamond ring, simple and beautiful. And terrifying. "I don't want to spend a moment without you. I don't care about college or football or anything. All I care about is you. We can figure out the future together."Nell is torn, and can't help wonder, why now? She can't break his heart, she loves him too much, but they are too young, it's too early - they have their whole lives ahead of them. When Nell voices her feelings, they are out in a storm, one the likes of which they hadn't experienced in ages. Kyle becomes mad, and they continue their back and forth as the storm worsens. Nell wants to go inside, but Kyle isn't budging. Eventually she decides she's going in regardless... and that's when things go wrong. Terribly and heart breakingly wrong. OMW. I wanted to scream at this point, and I probably did. My mind kept screaming, "No. No-no-no-no-no!" But yes. Tragedy struck. Nell places the blame on herself, and lives with it. The what ifs are never a good thing, and always soul destroying. It wasn't her fault. She however, disagrees.Now, Colton is the 'black sheep' of the family, and has lived away from home for a number of years. He returns for Kyle's funeral, and ends up being the one who comforts Nell the most. At first I was still miffed that Colton would somehow be taking Kyle's place, but boy that feeling went away quickly. Yes, Kyle was still very present in my mind, but Colton? He started sharing equal space. If only everyone who has gone through such a tragedy had someone like Colton to catch them, and I don't mean in the sexual sense either. Someone who understands, someone who listens, someone who is there for you no matter what. He was present! They both go through another tragedy, one I won't mention. I have to leave you something to read about. I will leave you with this, though:"There's no start, no stop, no him or me; there is only us, only perfection, only meshed souls and merged bodies and dizzy pleasure. ""There's no magical healing in this. I won't wake up tomorrow fixed and joyful. I'll still hurt and grieve. But moments like this with Colton? They make it all bearable. He doesn't fix me, doesn't heal me. He just makes life worthwhile. He helps me remember to breathe, show me how to smile again."This means, of course, that I shall be reading further books by Jasinda Wilder (Falling Into Us #2), and already have Big Girls Do It Better 'cause I just loved the cover and title, lol, and of course, the newly, and freshly released Stripped. The cover is fabulous!Yeah, I loved this book. Would I recommend it? Heck, yeah! But if you're anything like me, an emotional wreck who cries at the drop of a hat... be warned.

I liked this, I just didn't love it but that isn't a bad thing; Jasinder Wilder has written a touching story that stirs ever possible emotion and I knew from reading the blurb and reviews that I wasn't in for an easy hearts and flowers read. By page 60 I was lying in bed, stifling my sobs so I didn't wake my husband.It started out fantastically and I did love it. Told from Nell's perspective and spanning 2 years, it details hers and Kyle's transition from best friends to lovers and it was a realistic love with the hopes, fears and joys we have all experienced. Regardless of my awareness that something was going to happen to Kyle, it still hit me in that way where you want to delve into the book and stop it from happening, I felt Nell's pain and my heart broke that little bit whilst reading it.Moving on 2 years and that is where I went from loving it to liking it as it seemed to dive too quick into Nell seeing Colton again. She still isn't over the loss of her first love and he isn't over the loss of his baby brother and both are harbouring painful secrets. That said, I really didn't expect certain elements of the story and it did make for a book that I struggled to put down. Colton is an amazing man and I loved his determination to help Nell through her struggles and simply love her into acceptance. My only other minor disappointment was the lack of epilogue. It would have been lovely to see how Nell and Colt's journey progressed and unless there is going to be a second book (which, in fairness I can't really see) it feels a little unfinished.Minor grumbles aside it is a rollercoaster of a good read; I smiled, I cried, it was heartbreaking, yet heartwarming and I would recommend. Just make sure you have tissues handy.

I WAS enjoying this and I was 37% done when Part Two began and it changed. It suddenly turned into a load of descriptive, poetic stuff and wasn't for me.....'her calves flash pale white in the New York sunlight' and 'I could write a song and her name would be the music'......it all got way too flowery for me, I'm afraid, and I was done with it.Up till then it had been a good story, (though the editing left something to be desired). I don't really think I could take on board that Nell supposedly falls for the brother right after the other brother she loved has died, though.I didn't understand this sentence in the first half-"I pressed in, moving my lips against his, breathless in wonder again.....or still".....huh ??? I wasn't impressed, either, with the deer scene and their amusement. They both irritated me there. There are a lot of words dropped from sentences too that weren't spotted, like the/to/at and she also overuses the word nape....again and again......then we had apostrophe mistakes and Adam's should have a capital letter.There were some amusing and also some very touching lines in it and it's a pity she changed it so much going into Colton's turn at narration as it ruined it for me.

Well written as always by Jasinda. I guess she likes the whole in love with one sibling then another comes along - I still am not over The Ever Trilogy. Never will be.I think I was a little bit in love with Kyle. I imagine him as the boy who is the lead singer in a Spanish band called Dvicio. He's hot. Gutted!"Hot heart-blood leaked from my face. From my eyes and my nose and my mouth. Not tears, because those would never stop. This was just liquid heartbreak seeping from my pores."I think I was a little bit in love with Colt. I know he doesn't have long hair and he's more butch but he makes me think of Hozier. It's the guitar, lyrics, singing, and I think he's hot."I could write a song, and her name would be the music. I could sing, strum a guitar, and her body would be the melody."Colt and Nell. Sigh. So much damage and baggage to fix on both parts."Compassion and pity are not the same: Pity is looking down on someone, feeling sorry for them and offering nothing; compassion is seeing their pain and offering them understanding."The writing is poetic especially in the song lyrics Colt writes for Nell. Masterful character creation; I felt the pain of Colt and the utter melancholy of Nell."His body is a shelter, a fortress I can lose myself in. I can feel his pulse thumping in his throat against my nose, and I count the beats, wait for sleep.""Grief slides away and slicks across the scratched laminate floor."Really good read and it was free!

Hmm this is tricky for me. It was kind of like two books with sudden and drastic jumps between each one. On the one hand there was heartbreak and grief and abject sorrow. Then on the other it was like reading erotica. There seemed to be big chunks missing in between. Chunks that would have rounded Nell's character a little more, that would have made Colton's absurd history a little more believable, that would have had me believing in love rather than desperate painkilling lust.If I took each separately of the 'two books' I felt I read then I'd have to say that the tale of pain/depression/sorrow/grief etc. was incredible. I mean if you like a good cry in a book then read this! By a quarter through I was a sobbing mess and it wasn't the last time. I thought the grief was portrayed incredibly well, as was the pain and numbing. I would also have to say that the erotica 'book' in there was pretty hot. The problem was I stopped caring and connecting and actually just skim read a lot of that stuff. For me there was too much lust and not enough love and living. I didn't see the healing or the living or the falling in love. I saw pain and very moving scenes of bearing ones soul, then there was sex and then there were a few songs. I connected with the story during the pain but never felt that I went on the journey with them.I also have to point out that this book may well suit lovers of certain music and maybe musicians. I'm pretty sure they would really gel with this book. I appreciated the way music was used but I also felt quite alienated by it because so little of the music is actually known to me. If you know and love the songs quoted then you will love this, and there's even a thoughtfully provided playlist at the end. Unfortunately, if you don't, like me, then you kind of feel left out of something, like there's a message missed. It makes me a touch sad but I'm not interested enough in music to find and listen to these songs. (I barely have enough time to satiate my reading obsession!)In summary, I cried my little eyes out more than once and blushed fiercely at the passion, for those reasons I have to say there was some really accomplished writing. However, as a whole, the book didn't gel as one for me and I lost the connection to the characters completely. It felt like chunks were chopped out of the middle of the book. I could have taken it being longer and the courting drawn out to be honest.

Wow what a full on story this was! It isn't your usual romance story, or girl meets boy, loses boy again story either.Nell and Kyle were brought up next door to each other. They were best friends, did everything together. One day they realised they both wanted something more. They started a relationship which went from strength to strength.But one small misunderstanding totally changed everything in dramatic fashion.Nell struggles with the feelings she has inside. She blames herself for everything that happened, she can't let out her feelings for fear that if she starts she won't be able to stop again.A chance meeting is set to change her life forever. But this meeting also brings with it greater challenges.Nell is broken, mentally and physically, and she cannot see a way through all she holds deep inside. Calton, Kyle's older brother, has many problems also. They are both so deeply scarred it appears almost impossible for them to find a way through.This is a story which has so many levels. It starts off as a love story and quickly becomes something much deeper. It is a story of regret, of lost love and new love. It is also a story of healing, in more ways than one.The author has written a story which can't fail to draw the reader in. You will start rooting for things to turn out right for all involved. You will go through joy, grief and hope in the time it takes to read this story. I thoroughly enjoyed it.Calton writes songs, and one of those touched me deeply, brought back memories I keep hidden.“You’ve never had a name.You’ve never had a face.A thousand breaths you’ll never takeEcho in my mind,My child, child, child.The questions blink like stars,Numberless in the night sky.Did you dream?Did you have a soul?Who could you have been?You’ve never known my arms,You’ve never known your mother’s arms,My child, child, child.I’ll dream for you,I’ll breathe for you,I’ll question God for you,I’ll shake my fists and scream and cry for you.This song is for you,It’s all I’ve got.It doesn’t give you a name.It doesn’t give you a face.But it’s all I’ve got to give.All my love is in these words I sing,In each haunted note from my guitar,My child, child, child.You’re not gone,Because you never were.But that doesn’t meanYou passed unloved.It doesn’t mean you’re forgotten,Unborn child, child, child.I bury youWith this song.I mourn youWith this song.”Such heartfelt sentiment in these words, I dare you to read them and not feel something. That the author can bring forth such feelings in a few words is something amazing, and I take my hat off to her for that.