The Enabler: When Helping Hurts the Ones You Love

I was at least 30%-40% into this book before I realized “I am an enabler!” OMG this book is about me! My relationship with my adult son was diminishing and it was spiraling out of control; I could not imagine my life without him. I sought out my first one on one session with an amazing family counselor to help guide me; to teach me how to be a better parent. Somewhere along my life I had strayed from great parenting and I knew it. What was I doing to contribute to this love~hate relationship? After I was about 50% into the book I began to read my name into the book and it completely made sense. I began highlighting powerful words, then sentences, then paragraphs until I absorbed every moment. I had married an abuser early in life and that is where I began enabling. I was trying to protect my son when I didn’t even know how to protect myself. The spiraling of events then led to me enabling my son but at the time I thought was a form of protecting him. The counselor recommended this as my first read. I’m so happy she did! This is a must read for any parent and or spouse. During my session, and midway through this book, I changed my way of responding to my feelings and I am now taking charge of my actions. Happy reading; may you have positive change!

You need to get off everyone else’s case and on your own. This book came at a time when I was enabling someone without realizing it. I was buying a lot of alcohol for a woman who clearly had a drinking problem. I didn’t drink myself but thought it acceptable for her to have a few drinks at my expense. Then things got ugly and her true nature came out. It was extremely embarrassing and costly with damage to property and relationships happening often. It wasn’t just the drinking. I was also doing her work for her and paying her bills. I guess you could call this “simping.” What I understand now after reading this book is that while I thought I was helping her by always being there and bailing her out time after time, I was actually doing her a disservice. I was not helping her. I was enabling her to stay as she was, stuck. We don’t talk anymore at least for now. She’s called me a disgusting person and threatened to take me to court. I made very poor decisions around her all in the name of so called love. It wasn’t love it was lust. I never wanted to hurt her, but I ended up not helping her very much at all.

I'm sure there are many other books on enabling but I picked this one and it made sense. A quick read which is great because usually when you are looking for help you are pretty desperate and don't really have the time to read a long drawn out book. I only wish I had read this book a long time ago.

I have experienced in my family depression as well as addictions. Not mine but loved ones. Having attended many 12 step meetings over the years this book was an affirmation that doing the hard things can be a blessing to others as well as myself.

I read this book years ago, and 'learned' I am an enabler. Just as with any 'addiction' recovery is an ongoing process. Highly recommended for anyone who needs help 'letting go' and allowing those we love to potentially hit bottom, scrape their knees, or fall flat.While not easy, learning to let go and quit making excuses, covering up, keeping the peace (sometimes at all costs) it's liberating to acknowledge our frailties and work on becoming 'whole' and healthy (spiritually, mentally, emotionally).Well written, glad I 'rediscovered' and read it again. A refresher course is always in order.

This is a superb book on this subject. I originally bought the kindle version but will now purchase the paperback in order to study the methods suggested for overcoming this "inherited" condition. Just the first listening has produced a new awareness of the things I do that hurt my loved ones and the absolute necessity of correcting this behavior; it made crystal clear how beneficial it is for everyone to be responsible for their own lives. I can't say enough good things about it. If you're even thinking about reading it, you will love and profit from the wisdom of this book.

I was are miss after I purchased the book to actually open it up and read it.I am guilty of some of the tendencies of the enabler behavior in this book, you see.However, when I read it and examined myself and my family I saw how easy it is tofall into the role of an Enabler. I traced back to my beginnings and boy I was everywhere.The positive outcomes I saw in the author's book was that there is still time to turn thatEnabler behavior around. The examples given weren't impossible to do.Love, respect, responsibility, and the desire to see your family evolve into the lovely peoplethey were intended to be is a catalyst for any enabler to change.

I was required to read this book for a class I was taking. I was quickly pulled into it and it really made me realize that we are all enablers to a degree. I would highly recommend this book to anyone living with an addict or alcoholic. This should be at the top of the read this for every Alanon member.

I have read a few books on enabler/ dependant relationships and I must say I did find this book really well written and helpful. The author put her points across in a manner that worked for me. If you want a clear vision of the different facets of an enabling relationship read this book

I found this book very disappointing. It seemed to be a rehash of the author's life, very personal and of limited use to me. I could not recommend it and felt it was rather a waste of money.

A very empowering book that can be read easily, with no excess jargon, taken straight from the author's experiences as an enabler. The title is right, as the book not only exposes the motives of enabling, the effects on those we enable, but it also 'enables' us to free ourselves from this destructive behaviour, allowing our loved ones to become independent and self-reliant.

I would read this if you have a close relative who is enabling and you want to understand. Very basic and explains using a personal scenario.

Eye opener.