but, he spit in my coffee: A reads-like-fiction memoir about adopting a child with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) (Must Have Resources for ... Kids With Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD))

We've been struggling with RAD-like behaviors for several years now. Reading this book felt like memories of my own life. Our system is so broken and is failing adoptive parents and children alike. More needs to be done to educate parents and enable us to help our children. Thank you Keri and kids for sharing your story.

As a mom pursuing therapeutic foster care this was an important read. It lead me to do more research on RAD and hopefully be able to provide helpful care to any child placed with us.As a book it was extremely well written. It was engaging and I read it in one sitting. The honesty presented here was both welcome and very much needed.

As a RAD mom I could have written this. We have done all the therapeutic parenting and still I find myself in her shoes. Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your story. More needs to be done to educate adoptive parents and mental health professionals need to be able to learn how to help families and these kids. I highly recommend this book.

Heartbreaking yet exactly what we need to open doors to proper treatment. Highly recommend for everyone who comes in contact with children

As a fellow adoptive mom of 2 RAD children I can and do recognize every issue, Ms. Williams writes about concerning the difficulties and challenges of this reality. The truths of this are evident in not just her writing but many others. I myself am pursuing a doctoral dissertation on the realities of early childhood trauma, foster care, and adoption from an educator's perspective. In classrooms across America, trauma plays first fiddle in the orchestra of learning, and the ‘bad’ boys and girls are the ones sent to ‘refocus rooms’ where additional isolation traumatizes the children further. Developmental delays become stronger in the classroom instead of weaker. Teachers and education administrators have placed a band-aid effect on the situation and continue to blame and shame the parent(s) instead of building a connection with the children and their families. Many Therapists are also not fully informed or ill-equipped to treat the different types of aspects of RAD across the spectrum. Keri’s book is just the tip of the iceberg in this devastating mental health issue. Like every other trauma mama out there I hope this book goes viral in order to bring greater awareness to the depths of brokenness in the system and families around the world. I highly recommend this book for all future foster and potential adoptive families who are willing to go the distance with the children they love and want to parent. But it’s not for the faint of heart. RAD is real and is a true heartbreaker in life. Keri touched my heart throughout this book. From the raging for hours on end with no end in sight, the feelings of inadequacy as a mom, to the scars on the heart that she describes. Keri is a sister trauma mama, and I'm so thankful to know her but so terrifyingly sad that we ever had to meet under circumstances beyond what seems unbelievable.

As a RAD mom this book was very relatable. So many times I wanted to yell at the therapists and people there to "help." The system is so broken for mild and moderate mental health needs, kids like mine and Devon have little hope of getting help. Finding a professional who gets it is like winning the lottery. I hope adoption, foster care and residential workers read this so they can truly see how their actions and words impact us. We are Moms doing what is best for our kids.

Very easy read. Reads like fiction…..but it’s not. At the time I read this book our child with attachment disorder was no longer safely able to live with us. It was triggering to read this book because it was all too familiar. However, it’s important and relevant. The fact of the matter is that this is not a “rare” disorder as it’s usually presented. Many adoptive families are living similar lives and resources are nonexistent. Families are destroyed either by the child and dangerous behaviors, false accusations or service workers who don’t believe the families begging for help. No one goes into an adoption picturing a sometimes terror filled life, fighting to get a child to feel safe and loved. No one. Adoptive families need more resources to help our children with their trauma so we can have successful families and healed children. It’s currently not happening.

This book is a must read for anyone who is raising a child with RAD, and it’s also important for all those friends who we’ve lost because they just couldn’t believe what I was saying was true!Anyone who deals with kids should read this! Teachers, parents, SOCIAL WORKERS, therapists, etc.We are NOT crazy!

I devoured this book in a couple of days, recognising some of Devon’s behaviours I a child I love; hoping to find the light at the end. There is some light but there is so much work to be done raising awareness and building trauma informed attitudes and approaches across all services.Thank you for your very readable story Keri- and I hope that this will help to get more support for all those who find they have taken on way more than they expected when adopting a child.

I applaud you for writing your and Devon's story.I wish even this flawed level of understanding of developmental trauma and RAD that exists in America, existed in Australia.The option to adopt here, out of the foster care system, is non-existent. The only legal right under legislation for children to feel like they belong to a family is a permanency care order or long-term guardianship to a carer, however, Child Safety in Australia actively resists, blocks or ignores this legislation. Every day, they break the law and get away with it.They have little to no regard or value for connection, belonging and relationship for kids in care towards their biological family, none towards any relationship kids might build with long-term carers and zero regards for the connections kids in care make towards foster siblings.Child safety here is taking legal guardianship of many many kids, leaving them in limbo, with no parent as a human being. The child protection system is causing terrible harm and abuse to children, yet there is none to hold them accountable. They are more powerful than the police and are protected from prosecution.Good decent people with hearts don't last working in Child services and narcissists and sociopaths, remain. Many carers are being abused, belittled, shamed and blamed, punished, falsely accused, and charged with things they never did. They get threatened to have their own children removed (with no proof of any harm, neglect or abuse) if they don't toe the line, and do as CS say.Our future generations will be damaged beyond belief as they are denied the right to form, build and keep relationships and attachments. Even now we see it every day with many young children who have no sense of self, or moral conscience.They won't even acknowledge developmental trauma or RAD, and choose to blame the carer for the child's behaviours. It's demoralising and pointless because ultimately it doesn't achieve any help for the child.

I read the book in a day. I could not put if down. It is brutally hard to read but as an adoptive mom of mild development trauma delay kids that exhibit some similar things as Devon, it is a must read. I know people that have been where Keri has been. It's ugly. The lack of trauma informed supports hurts everyone involved in foster and adoption. I know this book will help so many!

A social worker with children in foster homes, your story has helped understand our kids with RAD better.Bravo for your bravery, humility and honesty Keri. Thank you Devon for your permission.

Great book. The system is definitely broken and this shows the difficulties a mum faced on their journey. As a mum I really felt for everyone in this book. All we can do as parents is try our best.