Nothing Was the Same: A Memoir

Kay Redfield Jamison’s mastery of language and incredibly apt ability to describe complex ideas captures the concepts of love, support, illness and death, grief vs. depression, and the path to recovery from losing a life partner. Thank you for laying your soul bare to assist others on their paths.

As a widow of nearly four years, I enjoy widows' stories--I want to hear about their experiences and compare them with mine.The good news is that I did find some commonalities--particularly in her dreams. I too would dream that my husband had suddenly appeared but then had to leave just as abruptly.However, as is typical with me, I wanted more of these personal stories and they were hard to come by. She takes us through her husband's illness and how she spent every possible moment with him--they enjoyed one another more, I think, than any terminally-ill person and spouse that I can think of. Once he is gone, the stories seem to disappear, and Jamison becomes very intellectual in the way she describes her pain.I was pleasantly surprised to find that she didn't actually revert to her former depression (Jamison has bipolar disorder). She found grief to be quite different from depression because in grief there are emotions of all kinds--many of them bittersweet but they contain hope and a desire to live, even though the pain is at times very strong and overwhelming.Jamison, being of a scientific nature, like her husband, writes almost as though this book were a scientific manual--towards the end it reminds me of natural science with all the references to nature--turtles, etc. If you have a scientific bent and tend to be more of a tree-hugger than I am, maybe her words will hit home. I just wanted more stories from her daily life--more of a personal journal than a biology lesson!And, as always when reading widows' stories, I wished that she or her husband could have believed in something beyond this life. It disturbs me to read that she sees him as lying in the grave.She seemed to have a very beautiful relationship with her husband. But nevertheless she wasn't flattened by grief for the simple reason that she'd known deep, deep sadness, overwhelming, unremitting sadness, when she experienced clinical depression. Grief, in a way, was a walk in the park in comparison with the terribly depressed feelings she'd had in the past.I loved the fact that this book had hope and love and sweetness and that grief didn't destroy her desire to live. I just wish that the book would have been more like a memoir and less like a treatise.

From the author of An Unquiet Mind we are brought an honest portrait of grief. But, more than that it is the love story of a man who loved an accomplished manic depressive woman through and through. Jamison’s portrayal of her husband through stories and letters is heartwarming and enduring. Her husband’s love for her should not just inspire those with mental illness but everyone instead. This is a must read for fans of hers and newcomers alike.

There are dozens of books about grief, but most of them are shallow, transparent and unhelpful. These books offer hackneyed and sentimental statements that read like a greeting card, "there there, my dear". Others try to impose an imaginary structure on grief, describing it in lock-step "stages" for the reader to go through. Some even describe grief as if it were a mental illness. Anyone who has been through the loss of a beloved parent, sibling, child or spouse will find these approaches lacking if not downright annoying. Actually, the most reassuring books are those that were not written to reassure. They do not gloss over what the reader is going through and they do not try to tell the reader what to feel. This book is one of those.Jamison's book belongs in the top rank along with C.S. Lewis' A Grief Observed. She is a highly literate, sensitive writer who describes the loss of her husband to cancer and how they both grieved over what was happening to them. One especially helpful chapter is on the difference between grief and depression. Dr. Jamison is a world-recognized authority on mood disorders and has also written in the past of her own struggle with manic-depressive illness. As one who has suffered true depression in the past and now is experiencing real grief, she clearly distinguishes between them. Grief may make a person feel like they are going crazy, but it is not depression or any other mental illness.Highly recommended for anyone who is trying to understand their own or someone else's grief.

I was attracted to read this book because the author and her husband lived in the DC area (where I am a recent transplant) and she tells her account of becoming a widow (which I also experienced in my life.) I have not read anything else by this author. However, I am not a clinical person or have any experience with mental illness or work in this field. This may have contributed to my lack of overall enthusiasm for this book.I really enjoyed Kay's description of her life and subsequent meeting and marriage to Richard. Her honesty and transparency regarding the trials of her bi-polar condition were very important to the story and appreciated by this reader. Their marriage was beautiful, funny and intimate. We should all be so lucky to find our "Richard". And her inclusion of the DC area, the Rock Creek park and the restaurants, neighborhoods, etc. were a wonderful addition to the book.However, after Richard's death in the book, I found myself bored and had to make myself finish the book. After the first post-death chapter, I think I understood her grief and the differences between grief and major depression. In the last third of the book, it felt like a HUGE thank you note to her friends. She thanked the hospital, she thanked her friends who took her dinner, she thanked the college...I was personally not interested in all the thank yous. I wanted more of HER story, perhaps more about how she put her life together...which got lost for me in all the appreciation expression.I was hoping to suggest this book for my bookclub selection, but honestly, I think it would not be appropriate.

A very different book from Unquiet Mind but equally compelling, Although a scientist her grasp of the English language is staggering. An undoubted tearjercker which keeps you reading despite knowing how it concludes. Yet at the end she brings hope to us that few other paperbacks have done.

Fast delivery and a great price. Another brilliant book from Kay Redfield Jamison. Touching, thoughtful and very interesting. Highly recommended.

A very well written book as all hers are. Written with deep feeling but not self pitying. Would have liked to have known more about her husbands children.

It's a good book but not as good as "Unquiet Mind".

Written by a very erudite psychiatrist who has a personal knowledge of bipolar illness and who explains how she managed the loss, by cancer,of her husband.