Eve RodskyFair Play: Reese's Book Club: A Game-Changing Solution for When You Have Too Much to Do (and More Life to Live)

I'm not a Reese Witherspoon book club member. I'm a working mother and wife (I found Fair Play through a recent finance podcast). Two years ago I hit a similar breaking point to the author's "blueberry meltdown." After 13.5 years of marriage, to a man willing to share the work, I woke up and realized he was treating me like a doormat - I'll spare you the details.I tried and tried strategies to improve my situation. After a few failed mini-efforts (including trading lives for a week to promote empathy), we finally landed on a system that is extremely similar to the cards recommended in Fair Play (we use assignable to-do lists in the Wunderlist App). Every strategy in the Fair Play system is part of our own. We’ve needed it all — the dredging of work from the shadows to the light, the value setting, the ownership from conception to execution, the avoiding using your spouse as back-up for everything, and even the built-in time-off for self-development. We hit bumps. I worried what my in-laws thought — but we stayed the course.It worked, and we are better than ever (and, yes, that means more and better sex, too). The system freed us not only from the nit-picky day-to-day misery but also from the feeling we could never leave the house. We found free-time. My husband revels in the friendships and activities he can leave his family for, guilt-free. I traveled for 10 days of business last March (with manageable preparations for my “cards”), and all they missed were hugs.The first 100 or so pages of this book set the context for the issues women (largely) are facing. This is the context I lived. It's definitely a downer. I say this to say, that if you need a ‘why' to get yourself moving on this Fair Play plan, then read it. But if you can buy into the plan without it — SKIP it (for now). For husbands/back-up partners: It's hard to stare a problem like this in its face, and still have the energy to do the work. Do the work for your family. Do the work for your daughters (and sons). Do the work for yourself. There are so many issues in life that we can not control: This is one we can.Fair Play will lift women's spirits. Fair Play will make them feel loved. Fair Play will give them back their energy and joy — and they, in turn, will bring their true gifts to you and the world. It is truly one area where you can take a small step for a woman, and a giant leap for MAN- and WOMAN-KIND. (I’m only sorry I can not go back in time and take some cards for my mother.) For what it's worth, it's not men's fault. We are all working hard. Through discussion, we raise our shared-expectations. For some partners in a family it will feel like more work in total. Early in the process, old resentments can sometimes target the system, making things worse. But, if you can get to a place where both partners sincerely try, you will be busier AND happier. TODAY.If you choose to play, the time you spend on Fair Play tasks (the grind; emotional labor, etc.) will be what allows you, on your death bed, to look back and say, "I’m glad I was there for my family."

We recently had our second baby and while she has brought us immense joy, her arrival sucked the life out of our 13-year relationship. I found myself on the verge of a nervous breakdown trying to manage our entire household—a special needs 10 year old, a newborn, and two cats, plus all the other work that goes into maintaining a safe and tidy home—all on my own. During my sleep-deprived research, I saw a recommendation for this book and decided to check it out. I was not disappointed!The first thing I noticed when I began reading was the validation. All the invisible work and the mental load I was carrying (things my husband still can’t quite comprehend) was perfectly laid out in this book. The exhaustion, the burnout, the resentment, the unfairness of it all…clearly outlined in a way that showed us both just how much I’m doing and why I feel so overwhelmed all the time.The second thing I noticed was how balanced and reasonable the solution could be. My husband and I were both impressed by the idea that the workload can be fair without being evenly divided. As a stay at home mom, I expect to carry more of the household responsibilities. That’s what I signed up for and it’s what I want to do. But I no longer have to carry ALL of the responsibility. My husband has taken a few things off my plate. And while we’re still not quite where I want to be, we’re moving in the right direction.

As a professional women who took a career detour (aka, requested demotion) 3 years ago after having a child, I 100% relate to the stories in this book from women who have grown resentful because they are making most of the sacrifices in their relationship and putting in full-time hours in the office and then full-time hours in the home. For that reason, I think this book is validating and makes me feel like I'm not alone and I'm not being ridiculous, which is very valuable since I was starting to think my expectations were unrealistic. On the other hand, because this book is written by a woman, from a woman's perspective, and for a woman audience, I have found it difficult for my partner to understand why I want to make his busy schedule even busier and play a "chores game" with him without him reading something with which he can truly relate - as I did with this book. For that reason, I think it would be most helpful for the author's spouse (or a male friend, etc.) to write a Fair Play II from the man's perspective, so that our partners might better understand and empathize with our situations and even learn about the positive benefits for men of taking on more responsibilities at home.