Sheet Music: Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage

A great informative book with a Christian mindset. It is a good read pre-marriage and post-marriage, so no matter what season of marriage you are in, it is beneficial. It gives you tips, recommendations, and ideas. It is an easy read and one that both genders can read and highly benefit from.

Along with a starter book that I mistakenly thought would be about how to get her to change me... "Have A New Husband By Friday", this totally rocked our marriage. First I brought home four possible books to enhance our couples devotions, the "...husband by Friday" was her first choice to begin with. LOL When she was reading that daily, I though I had a new wife by Friday. I was totally flabbergasted. It was like some sort of 7 day challenge had been placed in front of her. It kind of faded after that for several months because of insecurities in our lives like unemployment, lack of motivation, and health issues. Then she told me that she really liked the way Kevin Lehman was honest, used great humor, and that it was new material in many ways for her. I watched for Kevin's marriage seminar and added that to these two books and then a month long once-a-week class at the Plymouth Covenant Church (Plymouth, Minnesota) by a teacher named Ruth B. and I have to say that we shall never be the same again. Healing, proper thinking about a sensitive subject, homework that was safe and fulfilling to both of us, along with helpful insights to discuss together... something has radically changed and our marriage has never been better, even though we have had our fights once in awhile since. ;-) This is my plan people. This is a prescription to renew an old and stale marriage where we were wondering if we were ever going to be interested in each other again, to now, an interesting, loving, honor and respect filled marriage where it feels like we are dating again in marriage. Thank you Kevin and Ruth. Thank you heavenly Father.

This book was the best I have ever read regarding sex in marriage. I recommend it for anyone who is engaged or thinking about being engaged if you want to have a great sex life. If you're nervous about sex, or worried about what married sex will be like, you and your partner need to read this together before you say "I do." (I'm putting all the Google search words I used when I was in this position). Finding the Love of Your Life by Neil Clark Warren is good for picking if you found someone with the right character. This one is about talking about great sex. Both are necessary before you get engaged or right after. I would especially recommend reading this if you are with someone who is against premarital sex -- just make sure they agree to everything in this book about married sex. I have been bothered by people and churches who are against premarital sex, but provide no other guidance to men. They never say tell these poor single guys in their twenties who have a hard time attracting women that porn and fantasy masturbation, instead of sex, are actually worse (see Sex, Men, and God by Doug Weiss). They never say anything about the need for a man to be sexually aggressive, take the initiative, or not be "nice" (see the GREAT book No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover). It's for these reasons that I think many men who delay sex until after marriage have a lot of problems, as studies by Sandfort and Hyde / DeLamater have shown. These same churches and authors promote the myth that by avoiding premarital sex, one will have great sex in marriage. That's why I like Sheet Music: because it points out that there is more that you need to do to ensure great sex in marriage, while providing great reasons to avoid premarital sex. These reasons include why invest the time getting to know how to pleasure her if she might leave you. It also notes that by not having it, you talk more about it, which is essential if you want to have great sex throughout your marriage. It also made the point, one that even some pro-sex publications like Mens Health echoes, that pre-marital sex rarely predicts the quality of the sex in the marriage. I liked this book especially because it looks at the man's side a lot better than most books. Churches tell everyone about not having premarital sex. Then they also acknowledge that men want sex more than women. So what's a poor guy to do? Sheet Music talks directly to that issue many times in his book, like that when you commit to marriage, you commit to sex 2-3x a week for the rest of your life. He also points out that women who have been abused run to marriage to AVOID sex -- something to watch out for if you are thinking of becoming engaged to someone who claims to be against premarital sex. Another thing I liked about this book is the importance of the bride's beauty. Many, many authors say looks don't matter. However, LeMan makes the point that your wife wants to be told she's beautiful, a lot. So if you don't feel that way, don't get engaged. I had also looked at Getting Your Sex Life Off to a Great Start by Joyce and Cliff Penner. I liked Sheet Music better.

I am a psychotherapist as well as a husband of 22 years today. I have recommended this book to a dozen or so of my client’s with generally positive feedback. In my own marriage I have seen intimacy take second place at times and sadly began a period of resentment towards my wife. The book unfortunately was read well after we had healed and were into a more balanced sex life... But I feel it would have been a great help if it were read before and during these times of disconnect. The book seems to speak more to me than the women I have referred to read it. Dr. Lehman uses humor that guys connect to, to make his point and most guys who feel they are “not getting enough” align with the message of not holding out… but this is not Dr. Lehman’s stand point - it’s a directive straight from God. My wife enjoys the book and I caught her snickering under her breath at differences times. We both agreed with the spirit of the Authors writing style and feel this book has had a positive impact on our “marital bed”. It’s probably not a book for someone who has experienced past sexual trauma only due to its relaxed stance on marital sex that could me condusI am a psychotherapist as well,as a husband of 22 years today. I have recommended this book to a dozen or so of my clents with generally positive feedback. In my own marriage I have seen intimacy take second place at times and sadly began a period of resentment towards my wife. The book unfortunately was read well after we had healed and were into a more balanced sex life... But I feel it would have been a great help if it were read before and during these times of disconnect. The book seems to speak more to me than the women I have referred to read it. II am a psychotherapist as well,as a husband of 22 years today. I have recommended this book to a dozen or so of my client’s with generally positive feedback. In my own marriage I have seen intimacy take second place at times and sadly began a period of resentment towards my wife. The book unfortunately was read well after we had healed and were into a more balanced sex life... But I feel it would have been a great help if it were read before and during these times of disconnect. The book seemed to speak more to men in general than the women I have referred to read it. It’s a great tool ( if nothing else}} to stimulate conversation

In this book, Dr. Kevin Leman discusses the vitally important role of sex within marriage. He tells women that they need to make the sexual needs of their husband a top priority, and exhorts men to love, serve, protect, care for, and pleasure their wives. He covers a wide variety of topics, including how one's upbringing influences sexual attitudes, preparing for the honeymoon, sexual positions for intercourse, optimizing orgasms, and oral sex. Encouraging every couple to have sex frequently, he discusses the vital role of romance, creating anticipation and ambience, and letting go of one's past history and habits. He warns of the enemy of busyness, stresses the importance of regular communication about sexual desires, and discusses how to maintain a devotion to come together in the face of advancing age, declining physique, and a lack of desire. I loved most of this book. Leman isn't a prude by any stretch of the imagination, and his frank talk on the subject is an antidote for a church which is reluctant to discuss what's good about sexual expression. He talks about how a husband and wife come into marriage with a hidden rule book from their upbringing, and for some, a history that they need to let go of. He stresses the need for couples to improve their communication about sex - starting before marriage. He tells wives that their husband's need for sex is emotional and spiritual, as well as physical, and that his satisfaction builds his loyalty, his appreciation towards her, his abilities at work, and his desire to be home with her. Likewise, he tells husbands that sexual intimacy requires good hygiene, his willingness to converse, some romance, patience, and an ability to adapt to his wife's changing moods, but that she will be rewarded with a feeling of joy and peace. He talks about how men would much rather have a sexually available woman than a bombshell, and how a wife can reduce her husband's sex obsession by letting go of her inhibitions. He quotes Scripture in key places to buttress his arguments. I particularly appreciated his advice for men to slow down in the bedroom, as well as his chapters on oral sex, the sexually inhibited society our parents grew up in, and sex for mature couples. However, I was also disappointed with a few things. While the book is almost entirely encouraging and for the most part, evenly critical of each gender, there are a few comments that seem particularly disparaging of women. One is that wives routinely gossip about the sexual inadequacies of their husbands, thus violating their privacy; another is that cohabitation causes women (rather than men) to be twice as likely to be sexually unfaithful after marriage. I believe we all sin, and that sometimes we need support from other trusted married believers about what's going on inside our own relationships. In that case, I disagree with Leman's assertion that such sharing is necessarily ungodly. I think one must be very careful, but it really depends on one's intentions, how such information is shared and with whom. Also in early chapters of this book, Leman roundly condemns all relationships that involve premarital sex, citing the poor attitude of a unmarried man in counseling who, when confronted with the idea of having to abstain from sex with his girlfriend for several months, responded that he might just get it from another woman instead. I agree with Leman that this man was selfish and untrustworthy, and that no unmarried person has a "right" to sex with their partner. However, I also believe that in accordance with Scripture, sexually active couples who joyfully and willingly commit to marry can be blessed by God. Some are my friends. I think these sorts of matters require not just knowledge of God's will, but also insight (Philippians 1:9). Scripture guides us, but in matters of discernment, we need the Holy Spirit as well. His suggestion for virgins to use dilators to open up their vaginas before marriage raised my eyebrow, as only 0.2% of women suffer from Vaginismus. I think it would have been better to simply suggest some (healthy) masturbation, as he does for married women. Regarding Leman's advice about intercourse, I'm not sure how many men could last during penetration for as long as he suggests. His chapter describing sexual positions captured the advantages of each, but came off sounding like instructions to the old Hasbro game of Twister. It would have been better to either reduce the number of descriptions to just a few, or include some artistic renderings that would instruct husbands and wives how to position themselves for some of the less obvious ones. Instead we get two oddly placed sketches of the reproductive system, similar to what you'd see in a high school sex education class. Toward the end of the book, he reveals a one-size-fits-all prescription for sexual frequency within marriage. It might be good advice, but since he neither associates it with a Scripture passage nor links it to specific clinical experience, I have to wonder what's informing his opinion, and whether he exaggerates a bit here and there. While I've registered my criticisms, I think it's quite helpful to read a book by a Christian author that supports the notion that sex is a wonderful, God-given gift. This gift was meant to be freely enjoyed by those whom He gives in marriage, which over 95% of people enjoy during some period in their lives. I believe that overall, Leman's teachings provide constructive help to the body of Christ and that we ought to consider what he says. This book will help couples who are looking forward to marriage, as well as those who've been married either a short while or a long time. Use your God-given discernment about the details. That said, I find Sheet Music to be a liberating book and a very worthwhile read. I recommend it.

Wow! This book was way more than I had expected. I found it to be very informative, definitely a book for anyone anticipating marriage and what to expect on their wedding night.

I wish I would have had this book prior to marriage. My knowledge of intimacy was close to nothing and I struggled because of it. I highly recommend this book to anyone engaged or married to be help understand about intimacy from a Christian viewpoint!

When my wife and I got married three years ago it didn't take long to realize something was wrong. Sex was extremely painful for her and simply relaxing and going slow wasn't cutting it. We've since found out she has vaginismus which is causing the pain, and she is now getting treatments and things are looking up. Obviously though this was big problem when we first got married. We couldn't have intercourse for almost a year and each night just led to fights and frustration. Our honeymoon was really tough cause essentially there was no sex in any shape or form the whole 10 days. For almost a year were reading books, articles, and searching day and night trying to find solutions all the while dealing with sexual frustration coupled with lack of knowledge about how a healthy sexual relationship should look that was taxing on the marriage. This book was mentioned to us and we added it to the reading list. It soon became clear this book was different than the rest. Though the focus was absolutely about having a Godly marriage it didn't seem like other christian sex books which talk about reading and praying more than how do deal with the nitty gritty of sex, which is what we desperately needed to know. We were both virgins and she essentially didn't know ANYTHING except the basics of how a baby is made before we got married. The day she finished the book... WOW... our evenings took an entirely different route. We found new ways to enjoy each other and satisfy our desires while working around this medical issue. This book gave her an insight into the way I thing better than I could communicate (which I am getting better at). After this burden of learning to fulfill sexual desire was out of the way we felt like a fog had lifted and we were able to look at her issue in a more practical manner and find the help she needs. Hopefully soon we will be able to have a more normal sexual relationship and I'm sure we'll go back to this book to learn some fun and exciting new things again. I would give this book 10 stars if I could.

I loved this book and read it in such a short amount of time. It was so hilarious and very well written. I will say that if you are a woman who tends to have a larger sexual appetite, then it can seem that the author is not really talking to you. Either way, I really enjoyed this book and I even gave it to a friend who I thought could use it more than I.

Wärmstens zu empfehlen! ***** tip top tip top tip top tip top tip top tip top tip top tip top ****

An excellent read from an obviously experienced professional

I get married on the 6th of July 2013; some of you will be reading this before then, others after. Sheet Music is a fantastic book, with 9 days to go until I get married, this has refocused me on what true God honouring sex is and how my attitude towards my bride to be should be now, on the night of our wedding and there after. We need to have sacrificial love in our hearts that flows from us so that we put our spouse first and ourselves last, only then will be truly happy and living in God's best for our lives and the lives of those around us. This works in all areas of life, but also in the bedroom. We need to love them, honour them, treat them and put our all into helping them enjoy each and every sexual encounter we have, then they will reciprocate that to us and both we will be fulfilled in our sex lives, but more importantly in our lives as a whole. This is a great book, I read it in 24 hours and just couldn't put it down! Give it a read! For your information: I asked top leaders from some of the best Churches across Europe and North America for their opinion on what is the top marriage book. After going through their answers the top ones mentioned time and time again are: 1, Love & Respect by Emerson Eggerichs 2, Things I Wish I'd Known Before We Got Married by Gary Chapman 3, The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts by Gary Chapman 4, His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage by Willard F. Harley 5, Sacred Marriage: What If God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More Than to Make Us Happy? by Gary L. Thomas 6, Sheet Music: Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage by Kevin Leman (with this one I have been advised to only read it a couple of weeks before I get married!)

Wir haben das Buch noch nicht gelesen, aber es sieht gebraucht aus. Was ich für ein Buch um 20€ dann doch nicht angemessen finde.