If You Tell: A True Story of Murder, Family Secrets, and the Unbreakable Bond of Sisterhood

Riveting and soul crushing, I couldn’t put this book down. My first time reading anything by Gregg Olsen. I’m not well versed in non-fiction, but I thought he did a fantastic job at making me feel horrified and angry for these three sisters who grew up in abject terror of their mother and did everything in their power to just make it out alive. At times I was shocked at all the times no one did anything to leave or get help. But I forget how pervasive fear is. The whole “don’t rock the boat” mentality. I should know better because I was raised by a violently turbulent mother who could be the sweetest, funniest and lovable person and in matter of seconds (always feels instantaneous) turn into the devil. I saw a little bit of myself in each of the sisters. The living inside your head fantasizing about revenge or better yet leaving them behind and forgotten for good and then the sicker and more confusing part of you that still loves them and yearns for the unconditional love in return. But this mother was unhinged 24/7 and completely unredeemable. EVIL. These children were conditioned their entire lives by this “master manipulator” (gaslighting a very powerful tactic) that this is what family is. This what’s normal behavior. But they knew deep in their souls that this wasn’t right. The children I could understand. They were too afraid to speak out because they had been taught that they had no where to go. Their worse fear was that no one would believe them (because sometimes they had a hard time believing, “aka understanding” it themselves) and being brought to even greater heights of torture in retaliation. What I had trouble fathoming were the so called adults. I suppose that shouldn’t have shocked me either, because I’m more than aware that most adults don’t have it all together and can live the majority of their lives in a perpetual state of ignorance. It’s so easy. Out of sight out of mind and all that nonsense. But some people, like Shelly, who was referenced as an apex predator throughout this story had that uncanny ability to sense and then weed out the very vulnerable. People who needed a friend. Were given the barest of minimums in kindness and support and then had it all taken away. By that point they were already in too deep to really understand what they had gotten themselves into. Broke my heart. There are so many lost souls in this world just trying to figure things out and at the same time willing to give everything they have to offer to others. Making it easier to be taken advantage of, which would be bad enough. But these unfortunate souls had the bad luck to make contact with Shelly. And be sucked into her abyss of gaslighting, finger pointing and violent rhetoric that had everyone under her roof a husk of their former selves. And that’s what she thrived off of. Like a vampire sucking the life out of her intended victim. She’d drain them of their confidence, free will and any sense of purpose until they were as empty as she was. It’s hard to imagine that some people are just born evil. But I 100% believe that Shelly is one of those people. Maybe she’s missing something in her brain that provides the ability to truly empathize with others and know what it means to do right by someone other than themselves. But Shelly lacked all of the qualities that make us truly human. I know we all have the ability to be savage and take on the world when we’re being cornered. But Shelly, even as a little girl relished in her ability to be rotten. There was a family history of abuse and neglect. Maybe it was in the blood or learned behavior? Maybe it was too late for Shelly to change by the time she was already brought to live with her estranged father at 6 years old? That’s terrifying. There are no answers as to why this woman did what she did. It’s frustrating that so many people were aware of the situation and did nothing, but it’s not hard to understand why. If not for her inherent laziness and her incredible sense of entitlement, she could have been the leader of a cult that took over entire communities or a country if her vision went beyond just humiliating and dominating over one person at a time. She was so very good at lying and manipulating. Not everyone bought into. But she knew how to pick her battles and who to mess with. She was always in it to win it. She just never realized that her crimes would come to light by her own daughters. Her original victims. The girls by all accounts should have been her own mirror images. But they were born with a conscious. And after years of trying to make it out and stay out they could finally do the one thing that was never an option before. Stand up to the monster. I’m emotionally wrecked after reading this. But it’s paced so well and the subject matter really hits home. Triggering for sure, but written in a way that makes it hard to put down. Sorry for this incredibly long and irrelevant review.

I randomly picked this book up, I believe, because it was a Kindle First selection that I was able to choose. I don’t always read the Kindle First books for a variety of reasons, but I read this one because it was included in a thriller challenge sometime around Haloween. I quickly flew through this book because of the writing style, the plot, and the disturbing content that made it a perfect true crime story from the inside – and I suppose that in this sense it is important to note that this is in no way an investigative report but rather a gripping and disgusting narrative account of what happened. It tells the story of three sisters, the victim of their mother Shelley and her murders, abuse, neglect, and control completely driven by a horrific mental illness that had everyone in her orbit as her victims. It reads like a novel, and one could blast through this in a couple sittings easily. If you are into true crime or stories of abuse, this unknown story is one that will keep you at the edge of your seat as Shelley is able to dodge the questions and investigations of law enforcement, and abuse, humiliate, and even kill her victims. A horrible book with wide implications for brutal, abusive families to get help that works, If You Tell is a striking indictment of narcissism and power in one family and the victims that suffered through it.

This book was riveting. The prose and pace were excellent. It was dark and difficult to read but it was also what pulled you in and held you captive. From start to finish it was intense, raw, emotional and suspenseful. The pull between good and evil, the descriptive acts and emotions of the different personalities were so detailed it made me feel every word. It made me understand the different points of view even when it elicited anger. The author did a great job of letting you into the different minds and the reasons behind their actions and thoughts, in a way that even though it made you feel anger and hate, it also gave insight on the frailty of human nature, eliciting empathy for all involved. He captured the essence of each individual to a perfect degree. I could not put the book down. I kept wanting to know how it ended or what happened next. Every chapter was intriguing and as a lover of true crime and psychology - Shelly, her victims and (at one point or another) her accomplices fascinated me. I was able to connect with the struggles Tori, Sami and Nikki faced with their mother, feeling both love and hate, battling the sense of right and wrong. Wanting to tell because it wasn't right but being afraid to tell because of the unknown consequences and the false sense of love and loyalty one has for a manipulative and narcissistic mother/family. It's a thin line and it can become blurry when faced with a duty to self and loved ones; of protecting blood though they are hurting you and those around you, it can be debilitating and confusing. He touched on all the emotions, the internal struggles of family ties: the love between children and their parents even when their parents are monsters. It's just a super great read and real. If you can tolerate reading about physical and mental torture - because it is pretty graphic - read this book. It will not disappoint.

As has been noted in quite a few reviews for "If You Tell: A True Story of Murder, Family Secrets, and the Unbreakable Bond of Sisterhood," this is a book that is simultaneously a rather brutal read yet also a remarkably compelling one. "If You Tell" is based upon the true story of an almost unfathomably abusive family led by the iron first of Shelly Knotek, a domineering woman whose abusive ways seemingly have no explanation yet whose ways are inflicted upon nearly everyone who crosses her path including boyfriends, husbands, her three children (Nikki, Sami, and Tori), and some misguided souls who unfortunately cross her path and pay the ultimate price. "If You Tell" goes into detail, brutally so, regarding the emotional, physical, and sexual abuse of the three children and the impact it had on their inability to end the cycle until lives had been lost including those of at least two boarders. "If You Tell" also provides remarkable detail regarding these crimes, as well. This isn't a book for the timid reader. Best-selling author Gregg Olsen doesn't shy away from the brutality of this household and these crimes. A good majority of the book is centered around these actions, while only a brief section in the beginning goes into Shelly's early years and an even more brief section at the end goes into the post-conviction lives of the three girls who seemingly have managed to build normal lives despite childhoods that were anything but normal. Several of the reviews have commented with disbelief regarding the actions, an understandable and even refreshing response given one would like to believe that everything that unfolds in "If You Tell" is the exception and not the rule. It's difficult to fathom a parent being this brutal to so many people and so many people for so many years simply not reporting it. While we could spend days discussing the cycle of trauma that helps to explain the lack of reporting, to a healthy heart and mind it's simply difficult to believe. In some ways, "If You Tell" reminded me of one of Indiana's most famous homicide cases - that of Sylvia Likens in 1965 when a young teenager who'd been staying with a neighbor while her parents were traveling with a circus ended up being brutally assaulted/murdered by the mother, her daughter, and several neighborhood children. The same kind of questions arose to the surface - "How could a family do such things?," "How could children be involved?," and "How did no one notice until it was too late?" While it's important to note that the children were not involved, other than simply being aware of it and being too terrified to report it and being under a sort of authoritarian spell by a mother who could justify anything, the dynamics are very similar in the stories. If there's a beef I have with the book, and there is, it's that Olsen focuses so much energy on detailing the brutality yet does a relatively weak job of setting up the characters in the story and an even weaker job in providing a satisfying ending. Without giving the ending away, there's so many possible ways to explore questions, pending issues, and possible conflicts that aren't that far off in the future that "If You Tell" feels incomplete and, in the end, feels like it's exploiting the story and its subjects. While there's a possible reason to document the stories so brutally, and as someone who has written a book myself from the perspective of being a survivor, it's ultimately the structure of the book that I find insufficient as I wanted more about the lives of the three sisters and how they are ultimately preparing for the future. There is reference to the relationship with the father, but it's practically an afterthought. While "If You Tell" is far from a weak book, it's ultimately a book that sells the drama more than tells the story. The survivors deserved much more than that.

What an amazing book, I couldn’t put it down for hours! Thank you for telling their story. God bless those girls

Anyone doubting that it’s possible to build a thriving life from an unspeakably bad childhood should read this true story. The book traces the lives of three sisters, Nikki, Sami, and Tori, who escaped their abusive mother, and as adults, related their history to crime writer Gregg Olsen. Shelly Knotek married her husband, Dave, after two previous marriages. Dave was a mild, unassuming man who worked as a laborer and was gone much of every week from their rural Washington home. Their blended family included Nikki, the oldest, Sami, the middle child, and Tori, Shelly’s and Dave’s daughter. The oldest two girls bore the brunt of Shelly’s unpredictable rage. Outrageous punishments were meted out for ridiculous household infractions. The children lived in fear of their mom, who would resort to sending them outside in the winter with no clothes on and hose them down with cold water. One summer, Shelly locked Nikki in her room for weeks, not allowing her out except to empty the plastic bucket she gave her for waste. Dave was not immune to her abuse and was dominated by his wife. She subjected him to emotional and physical abuse. Shelly was adept at projecting an image of a caring, loving mother and human being. She took in Shane, her nephew after his mother couldn’t care for him. She brought Kathy, her best friend who had lost her job as a hairdresser, into her home to help with the kids in exchange for room and board. Ron, who had been kicked out of his trailer, was hired to work at their house. All of these people experienced extreme cruelty at Shelly’s hands. They all disappeared, and the last place they were seen was at Shelly’s house. The girls knew what had happened to the three but thought Shelly would kill them for revealing what they knew to the police. Finally, it took all the courage Sami had to report her mother. What is so remarkable about this book is that no one had stopped Shelly in the years she had been inflicting torture on her family and houseguests. I found myself cringing in horror at the daughters’ recital of Shelly’s abuses. This case got under my skin, and I couldn’t stop thinking about what the family and houseguests endured. Nothing about this book is relaxing or pleasant. The only relief comes when you reach the end, and you may find yourself asking, “Was justice served?” If you are a devoted true crime reader, you may like this book, but many readers may find the unremitting abuse too disturbing. This one could also be added to the horror genre as well as true crime.

While reading this book I kept thinking that this can't be true. Growing up with loving parents I can't imagine how one woman could manipulate so many people for so many years. I can't imagine how the daughters were able to overcome such terror. A well written excellent book.

A horrendous story. A heartbreaking story. A well told story. A story one wishes was fiction. Yet an all too true crime story. My heart goes out to these girls, their cousin Shane, & the families of the other victims of this evil woman. Nature or Nurture? I can't tell you what I think, because I don't really know how I feel about it. In most behavioral instances, I believe Nurture wins out. However, in many instances of abuse, I have to say, it appears that Nature, DNA, is much stronger than Nurture. My ex- was abused & became an abuser. I don't get it! Why? Did he want others to suffer because he had? In many ways, the descriptions in this book sound just like him, except as bad as life with him was, it came nowhere close to Shelley's sadistic enjoyment of torture! Mr. Olsen begins this story before Shelley was old enough for Nurture to have made much of an impact, but the history as given here shows that she actually had a double whammy of influence. By Nature she apparently inherited much of her personality disorder/psychosis from not only her own mother, but also from her paternal grandmother. She also learned from them & THEIR behavior issues, so there's the Nurture aspect as well! In my opinion, as a Christian, when a child displays such offensive behavior at such a young age it is difficult to NOT place blame on the devil. As Flip Wilson used to say, "The Devil made me do it"! It's not as simple as that, but such a young child doesn't normally have the thought processes necessary to be THAT narcissistic & sadistic! Yet Shelley WAS that way, ruining any fun-filled planning by her Dad & Lara for the entire family. For that reason, I say Nature. Yet, she repeated so much of what her grandmother did, therefore exhibiting Learned behavior, & I have to say Nurture. On the other hand, why did Lara's example NOT teach her better behavior? Why are so many of us vulnerable to abusive personalities? I, like Sami, am a "peacemaker". I need to be liked, needed. I'd also never known abuse as a child, & thought my ex- would change over time. He didn't. Many of us are "fixers". Believing we can "fix" the abuser's personality. We can't. Others, like Shelley's 3 husbands, are simply too blinded to reality to believe that our "loved one" could actually be so evil! I did feel bad for Dave at first, seeing him as another victim, but when he began enabling Sherry, not so much. As a healthcare provider, the descriptive nature of Mr. Olsen's writing did not "bother" me nearly as much as the emotions it brought forth. My PTSD kicked into high gear! If you are very sensitive to graphic descriptions of both physical & emotional abuse, or have never been exposed to them before, this book may not be for you. I am interested in psychology, so it was intriguing to me. My only "complaint" would be that, for me, there's not a lot of insight into WHY Shelley was how she was. What HER thoughts were during episodes. We see & hear her actions, & her speech, but I'd be more interested in what she was THINKING at the time. I can understand somewhat why Mr. Olsen didn't offer this. As I've said, my ex- was much like Shelley & was a pathological liar. He could tell you a lie today, not talk to you for 10 years, then keep his lies straight when he next speaks to you! You'd never know what his true thoughts were. I'm guessing, Mr. Olsen could have extensively & exhaustively interviewed Shelley & never heard a truth from her.

I cannot understand the positive reviews this book has received. It is so badly written, incredibly repetitive and boring, I had to force myself to finish it (and only because it was so heavy I felt bad for having lugged it around in my suitcase on holiday!). What a disappointment.

I got this book for my girlfriend for Christmas. Here is her review. You couldnt get my nose out of it. I finished it in three days; I would have finished it in less time but I’m an adult and have work. Okay onto the review. Yes, listen to the other reviewers — it IS very morbid and Olsen doesn’t hold back on the details. Very detailed descriptions of the abuse and depravity these poor people endured. I’m a horror and true crime fan so I can handle it. If you’ll be uncomfortable by the sick details then I suggest you avoid this book. At the same time, this is a true story. A true story of a woman who tortured her own children, other family members, and even her friends. It’s difficult to think that there are people like this in this world, but there are. So for other reviewers who are shaming Olsen for the brutal details, I’m sorry but there’s no nicer way to describe what was done to these people. Shelly Knotek is a horrible person but Olsen still conveys the three sisters, Nikki, Sami, and Tori, as genuine human beings who survived Hell. They were not portrayed as victims; even though they endured terrible things in their adolescence, they grew closer and stronger as a result. With their courage, they took down their abusive mother. I have to mention Olsen, who was the best writer for this book. His writing is creative and you get a clear picture of everything. Yet, his creativity doesn’t take away from the survivors’ story. I also appreciate the last section from the psychologist. I read some other reviews before writing my own and some reviewers were shocked at how adults could let this happen. Unfortunately that’s what torture does to you. You become compliant and you lose a part of yourself. The psychologist briefly describes how one changes when they’re around insane people and it’s essential that we all understand the psychology behind these stories. Because of that, I suggest all readers take a look at this section first and I wish it was included at the beginning of the book and not the end. After reading this book, it makes me wonder if we can do anything to prevent this type of abuse. Until then, we can read books such as If You Tell, identify the warning signs of a psychopath, and stay vigilant.

Sometimes the horror of certain circumstances in life can put you in such a catatonic state it's hard to come back from it. This book is one of them. I spent a long time afterwards sitting and staring aimlessly from feeling unnerved from reading the shocking details . I empathise over the murders of Kathy and Ron but my heart aches for the dear boy Shane, Michelle's own nephew who was murdered in cold blood. His murder was not only evil and horrific it was senseless and pointless as Shelley still ended up being exposed by other means, something Shane was planning to do. He would still be alive I strongly believe if it wasn't for Nikki. Besides being a blood relative, he was so young and had his whole life ahead of him which makes his murder harder to digest. It's awful his murder was instigated by his own cousin Nikki, something she will have to live with for the rest of her life. Shelley's personality reminds me of Diane Downs. A total sociopath. It's beyond comprehension how these warped individuals are created and formed. Even though the book was an emotional undertaking, it was well written and a true page turner until the end. I would highly recommend this book but if you're overly sensitive to abuse, torture and murder it would be in your best interest not to purchase it.

Après plus d’une décennie, quand les sœurs Nikki, Sami et Tori Knotek entendent le mot "maman", il griffe comme une griffe d’aigle, déclenchant des souvenirs qui ont été leur secret depuis l’enfance. Jusqu’à présent. Pendant des années, derrière les portes fermées de leur ferme à Raymond, dans l’État de Washington, leur mère sadique, Shelly, a soumis ses filles à des abus inimaginables, à la dégradation, à la torture et aux terreurs psychiques. À travers tout cela, Nikki, Sami et Tori ont développé un lien défiant qui les a rendus beaucoup moins vulnérables que ce que Shelly imaginait. Alors même que d’autres étaient entraînées dans la toile sombre et perverse de leur mère, les sœurs ont trouvé la force et le courage d’échapper à un cauchemar qui a culminé dans de multiples meurtres. Poignant et déchirant, "If You Tell" est l’histoire d’un survivant du mal absolu, et de la liberté et de la justice pour lesquelles Nikki, Sami et Tori ont risqué leur vie. Sœurs pour toujours, plus jamais victimes, elles ont trouvé une lumière dans l’obscurité qui a fait d’elles les femmes résilientes qu’elles sont aujourd’hui — aimantes, aimées et en mouvement. Livre très bien écrit par Gregg Olsen, auteur à succès du New-York Times qui avait déjà participé à l'écriture du fort bien documenté "If I can't have you", sur l'histoire de Susan Cox-Powell. D'un anglais facile, je recommande le livre et l'auteur.

A dark story with horrific happenings. Wonderfully written; the details of the victims and abusers were justly done. I don't think it's overdone and too much gruesome details are mentioned. But I think it was needed so we can understand why the victims did what they did. However, I cannot come to terms with the kind and intensity of the abuse. I wish Shelly was given capital punishment for what she did. She truly deserved it.