Everything Happens for a Reason: And Other Lies I've Loved

"Everything Happens for a Reason: And Other Lies I've Loved" by Kate Bowler is a powerful memoir about living despite. Despite fear, despite uncertainty and - in the author's case - despite a diagnosis of Stage IV colon cancer. It's about love, legacy, God and "not skipping to the end". And it is moving. And snarky and profound and angry and real in ways I never would have expected from what some have inaccurately called a "cancer memoir". The author only recently came across my radar - she and a family member share a similar diagnosis, and he happened to pass along one of her FB posts. It was about Holy Saturday, and it was insightful and smart and made me think. "Everything Happens for a Reason: And Other Lies I've Loved" also made me think: "I used to think that grief was about looking backward, old men saddled with regrets or young ones pondering should-haves. I see now that it is about eyes squinting through tears into an unbearable future." What a whole-body description of grief! The book is a controlled tangle of introspection and awareness that life is shorter than any of us might like, but also challenges many of the notions the author - and we as readers - hold about entitlement and wellness, about hope and faith and positivity. There's just a lot of good stuff in here. The writing is rich and textured and entirely readable - a rarity in so many memoirs. And the voice is authentic, whether the author is recounting conversations with her oncologist or her BFF or revealing the internal dialog of a mother and wife staring death in the face and terrified she might blink. Ultimately, "Everything Happens for a Reason: And Other Lies I've Loved" is a story for us all. For those of us dealing with illness and loss and the big questions around Thy Will not Mine theology, for those of us wondering how to support loved ones who have been diagnosed with cancer or are going through dark times, and for those of us yearning to be more present as people of the Good News. In her vulnerability, Kate Bowler has something to say to us all.

I read this book because it was recommended at some point by my pastor. I can't remember how I ended up finding the book as it was not intentional I came about it. I definitely appreciated the author's honesty. I was surprised how much I smiled reading a book about a young woman with cancer, but it also made me cry so there were both ends of the spectrum. I'm not sure I fully understand the conviction that "everything happens for a reason" is a complete lie. I guess I don't believe this. I do believe G-d has allowed me to suffer (multiple times) in my life and I do know it had a reason, but I can see how if you are part of this "prosperity gospel" (which I had never heard of before) that statement could mean something different. As she says in her book, to those who believe in the prosperity gospel, if something bad happened it meant that you were somehow failing in your faith or sinning. This is simply not the G-d I know. It is because he loves me that I have had to endure suffering so that I can learn to be more like him. I don't always understand the why or like it. It is painful as Hebrews 12:11 says. Each person and whatever they are going through will need to wrestle with G-d as Jacob did and we may even be left at a brook in Cherith or the wilderness in a cave like Elijah. What is the miracle is that she is still alive. This happened in 2015 and it is 2024 and she is still alive despite being given 2 months to live multiple times. Is that not a miracle that God would defy what medicine said was possible? Has he not redeemed her even if she is not cured? I mean she went from potentially leaving her husband and son to live the rest of this earthly life without her to seeing her son grow to 11 years old (which is how old he would be if he was 2 in the book). I do not know yet what it means to have joy in suffering either but we are told we should consider it (James 1:2-4). I think this book made me reflect on my own life as I also have a husband and a young daughter and I already had the miracle in my life of surviving death so I know that if I am still here there is a reason for it. He has a plan for me and I must seek it daily. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this book and the thoughts it provoked. I would highly recommend it to anyone. Despite the content it did not make me feel depressed but hopeful of what work he is doing in others as well. We do not suffer alone. He is with us.

When horrible things happen, we are quick to look for a reason, desperate to understand why we, of all the people in the universe, should be so afflicted. Others are often too helpful in this regard, telling us that we sinned, or didn't eat the right kind of kale, or that God needed another angel. Kate Bowler went from unthinking happiness, a great family and a great job, to being diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer. There is no stage 5. How she dealt with this blow, and what she learned about suffering people, is the subject of this wonderful book. Read it and you will cry. And laugh out out loud. And understand better how to do with hurting people in your life. This is a classic.

All the author did was vent her feelings. I do understand why. The title is very misleading. I expected something quite different.

I just bought a book with my least favourite saying in the title and I loved it. I caught on to it at the right time via Ryan Holiday's mailing list. I am not currently going through anything tragic and extremely difficult but have and (gulp) probably will again. I am however having my beliefs and motivations questioned and especially my CERTAINTY messed with and not want to tell anyone as I am at my wits end with quick and easy 'why don't you just...' advice about it. A very human look at why we do this; why we seek certainty and where it goes wrong. It's at times challenging. I found myself defensive occasionally -People have no idea what you are going through. Of course some are going to say something dumb. The alternative will be to give you a wide berth and put you in the 'draining', too hard basket and that's very upsetting too. Then you listen more and it starts a profound conversation in you, that's why I read. That's why I still seek. It's very worth buying the audio. May you live a long life

Sauf mon respect pour l auteure qui est en fin de vie, ce livre ne tient pas ses promesses : quel rapport entre le titre et le contenu ? L auteure se contente d expliquer combien elle aime sa famille, sa communauté et Jésus... Ce livre n apporte rien !

Being an atheist, with no experience of religious upbringing, I found the constant religigious references of the author disengaging. I purchased the book on the recommendation of Glennon Doyle, an author whose writing I like very much. A devout Christian herself, she too makes religious references but for some reason, in her writing, they did not interfere (for me) with the quintessentially human and totally relatable stories she tells about her life. I did not finish this book and returned it.