The Lightning-Struck Heart

"The Lightning-Struck Heart" is a huge book, more than 530 pages. Yet it was still not enough for me. I read it in a single sitting (with an occasional bathroom break), and couldn't put it down. The reason I couldn't put it down was that I was laughing too hard to get up from my seat for anything but a dire emergency. I didn't just titter, I guffawed. Some of the humor was so over-the-top, so replete with bad puns, some of the settings, scenes and descriptions so beyond the pale that I just couldn't bear coming back to reality for even a moment. This book, like all the books by TJ Klune. was nothing less than sheer genius, a shining star so bright, it lit up my day.When we speak of gay fiction, we usually mean books filled with angst, pain, religious persecution, self-discovery, love, obstacles overcome and Happily-Ever-Afters. And yes, "The Lightning-Struck Heart" has all of these, so it definitely qualifies as gay fiction. But how many of these artful, moving novels include a gay talking Unicorn with a missing horn, who regularly belches rainbows, sweats glitter when angry, whose poop smells of flowers and cookies, with colored sequins sparkling in the air when he passes gas? And even better, the Unicorn is named Gary and is a screaming queen who talks nothing but camp? Then there's the magical half-giant, only ten-feet-tall (a full size giant is closer to 20) who tends to destroy anyone who threatens any member of the lively band of gay magical beings who populate this book.The head of this gayer-than-gay merry band is Sam of the Wilds. As an 11-year-old goody-goody from the slums, Sam recovers a bag of fabric that a band of teenage toughs stole from his elderly next-door neighbor-lady (who uses said fabric for charity purposes, primarily to make ugly oversized pants for obese people). Cornered in a blind alley by the bigger, older, teen toughs, he turns to face them, knowing he's about to meet his maker. A glint of green and gold passes across his field of vision and, lo-and-behold, the criminals-to-be turn to stone, frozen with their mouths wide open, their legs in mid-flight and their arms poised in the air to beat the hell out of little Sam.As it turns out, Sam is a wizard. He'd never been a wizard before, that he knew of, and there are no magical people in his family (though his mother is an ex-gypsy, so who knows?) and he has a major inherited defect - he can't stop talking, and everything he thinks simply pours out his mouth in an endless regurgitation of thoughts, statements, and observations that is enough to drive any listener insane. Sam is sort of the stream-of-consciousness Wizard.The reader is immediately treated to an episode of Sam's startling grandiloquence as soon as he turns the boys to stone. A canny old man in Wizard's robes (in fact, the Wizard to the beloved King), happened to be passing by when he noticed the boys turned to stone. He stops to question this remarkably talented first-time-11-year-old-mini-wizard to find out what incantations he used to bring about his own rescue by magic. All Sam can talk about is those amazing pointy pink satin shoes that the old Wizard is wearing, and he really, really wants a pair. Eleven years old, and already a fashion queen. Who would have thought it possible?In fact, it appears that Sam has been aware of his orientation since he was very young. He recounts the crush he had on a school chum, and how he almost kissed the boy:"He did kiss me two weeks later, but then he also kissed Jessica, David, Megan, Rhonda and Robert. Derek turned out to be a bit of a whore."Anyway, the mild-mannered, wise old King's Wizard, demands that he return the boys to their previous state. With not a clue how to accomplish that magical feat, Sam tries a few incantations, such as "Flora Bora Slam"and "Abra Wham", adding, when they don't work: "...it might have gone better in my head." The wise Wizard replies "I have a feeling that sums up your life perfectly".And indeed it does. Sam and his parents (passionately devoted to each other and to Sam, though he'd rather see less evidence of their embarrassing passion for each other) are moved into the Castle where he becomes the official Apprentice Wizard. It's also where he becomes best buddies with the King, whom he is constantly correcting and playing pranks upon. How does he get away with this, between his motormouth affliction and being fashion-forward, especially toward the powerful Monarch? Well, he may be garrulous and not always appropriate, but everyone loves him. He makes them laugh. He treats everyone as a regular old human, even the King. Of course, he's in the process of becoming the most powerful Wizard ever (doesn't even need incantations, he can just think magic and it happens), but most important, he has this huge, innocent heart that no one (with the exception of the jealous and snarky prince) can resist.His heart is so big that, at the age of 14, he is sent, on a quest, into the Dark Wood, a dangerous place where all kinds of malevolent magic reigns. His task is to bring back something "totally unexpected". Well, he does indeed accomplish that when he hears these plaintive cries from some kind of magical creatures, approaches them in a clearing, and there's this Unicorn with a missing horn, and this half-giant, in tears, whose back is striped by lashes from the whip. Turns out, they were kept caged by a traveling sideshow, barely fed and whipped to keep them in line. When the evil owner of the show tracks them down to return them to captivity, Sam uses his magic to turn the nasty old carnival owner's whip into a trail of butterflies as it is about to land on Sam's face. This fourteen-year-old Apprentice Wizard scares the pants off this miserable exploiter and his roughnecks, who flee in fear. Sam leads Gary the Unicorn and Tiggy the Half-Giant back to the Castle with him, rescuing them from a life of pain and demeaning exhibition in front of the paying populace into a life of fabulousness, riches and unending loyalty. The three of them would (and do) lay down their lives for each other, and become an inseparable band of magical adventurers. Which is rather convenient, since the Most Powerful Apprentice Wizard In The Known World has the nasty habit of being captured by a wide variety of villains. Every one of them ticks Sam off because, being villains, they find it necessary to monologue incessantly, regaling their victims with highly-detailed recitations of their plans for global domination, before they actually kill their captives. Sam just hates all that monologuing. It's a good thing though, because at some time during these endless, boring lectures, Tiggy manages to bash a villain or two through a wall, Gary kicks the heck out of them with his powerful hind legs and blue-painted hooves, Sam encases them in stone up to their necks, or unleashes a horde of fire-breathing geckos upon them, as they run for their lives.Then there is the love story (not to mention a talking dragon, who can only communicate when Sam's around) that adds more humor, a little bit of sex (Sam is a virgin until page 500-or-so) and a huge amount of cute crushing and deep loving. His new man-crush is the dashing and gorgeous Knight, Ryan who is soon to become a Knight Commander, and worse, to be betrothed to the King's snarky son, Prince Justin. Ryan is so gorgeous, so sexy, that there are fan clubs that meet in the town square (which Sam attends, incognito, as the bearded Mervin) including the one run by the mean twelve-year-old girl with whom he trades insults every time they're within spitting distance of each other (he'll triumph over the evil 12-year-old yet!), complete with shipping names, such as "RyanSam" or "Rystin". He's in love with Ryan, and though Ryan won't say the words, Ryan is in love with Sam, too. The King is very sad that he encouraged his son's engagement, because he didn't know how Ryan and Sam felt about each other, even though they danced three waltzes, in public, at Ryan's engagement party - something that is just not done!Even worse, the engagement of Knight and Prince is a potential disaster for humanity - a potential disaster of epic proportions. A great good Wizard has someone destined for his heart, called his "Cornerstone", who keeps him from being consumed by his growing power lest he become a totally-corrupt Dark Wizard. It is only through the Cornerstone that a great Wizard (and Sam is destined to be one of the greatest) can realize his true potential. All Wizards have a natural limit to their magic. But so far, no one has ever found Sam's, so his mentors are terrified that, without his Cornerstone, Sam will eventually devolve into a nasty, evil, powerful and corrupt Magician who will need to be put down for the safety of humanity. I warned you it was really, really epic, didn't I?There's so much more to this richly detailed and heartwarming book, including (among other things), exploding nipples, the six-inch-tall King of the Fairies who has the hots for the virgin Sam and kidnaps him to force him to marry him (Gary, the hornless Unicorn, kicks in some heads to rescue Sam), Ryan (the Knight) molested by a tree, exploding corn that sets off fireworks to let the farmers know when the corn is ready to be harvested that, unfortunately, also sets the fields on fire, and the older lady-mayor of a village who kidnaps Sam as a sacrifice to the Dragon God of a religious cult she created and populated in only 57 days, and (spoiler alert!) ends up getting eaten by the Dragon when he refuses to kill for her (the dragon bemoans how painful it's going to be when he has to pass all those old bones and other body parts).OK, enough. If I continue writing this review, you won't have to read the book, and that would be a terrible shame, because TJ Klune is nothing less than a brilliant, inspired writer, and one of the great gay novelists of this or any other age. Proust and Milton are both amateurs when compared to Mr. Klune.To be serious for a moment (what a letdown, after reading this book), Mr. Klune reliably delivers what I read books for - wonderful engaging characters (and they really all are characters!), unbelievable but enjoyable situations and settings, dialogue that is incomparable (and not far from what you'd hear in any serious drag bar), love, family, boundless humor and, most important of all, magic.I didn't anticipate a fantasy from Mr. Klune, who is best known for his "Bear, Otter and the Kid" books, also funny but absurdly poignant and beautiful stories, but apparently neither did he. He wrote recently, on his blog, that he never intended Sam and his crew to be an epic, but the world he spun kept growing and growing until it got so big, and so full of possibilities, that he has decided to turn it into a new series.I can't wait. And you shouldn't, either. If you're looking for a book that will warm your heart, tickle your funny bone, stretch your imagination and destroy any possible disbelief, this is the one to read. "The Lightning-Struck Heart" is a work of art, a work of genius, but most important, a sheer delight to read. I would give it more than five stars, if I could.Alan reviews gay fiction for the Sinfully Addicted... blog.

I heard about this book for the first time months ago... but I was hesitant to try it... even though I've heard nothing but praises from very trusted sources I wasn't sure if this was a story for me... and now I am sitting here, writing this review and totally shaking my head at how stupid my past self was... ;) but can you really blame me? a book about Sam, a young wizard's apprentice who's gay, his best friends are a hornless gay unicorn named Gary and a half-giant named Tiggy, and the whole book is full of their adventures... it doesn't sound like a novel that everyone might like... hence, my hesitation... :) but oh how wrong I was... because it was spectacular and everyone has to read this gem :) let me tell you a bit more about our main character, and quite a few secondary ones, along with the main plot of the story :) and then I will proceed to sing only the highest praises about this awesomeness that all of you need in your lives... :)Sam is the main character :) he's the apprentice of Morgan, the king's wizard... he and his parents used to live in the slums, until one day little Sam accidentally turned boys that were chasing him into stone... yeah... that doesn't happen every day ;) he and his family are then whisked away so he can learn magic, so he can become the next king's wizard... fast forward a few years, and now his best friends are very unique magical creatures... Gary and Tiggy :) not to mention that he has a very serious crush on Ryan... totally swoonworthy knight and unfortunately boyfriend of Justin, king's son... can you say awkward? ;) but wait, there's more... ;) when Justin is kidnapped by a dragon all four of them are going to rescue him... :) yeah, because that sounds like a great plan :) the whole book takes place in a fantasy world, and is filled with magic and all sorts of awesomeness like that ;) so that's pretty much all I can tell you about the overall plot and everything, because I refuse to spoil you anything :) so instead let me gush all about the reasons why I adore this book :) but before that, one last thing :) it is only the first story in a series about the same set of characters, but you get a lot of resolutions in this one and it doesn't end on any cliffhanger of any sorts, so don't worry about it :)There were oh so many reasons why I loved this book... the writing style... the story... the characters... pick one and I will elaborate ;) how about the writing style first? :) I've never read T. J. Klune's books before, but all of them landed on my wishlist before I finished this novel... not only that, but I got all other available installments in this series before I got to the middle of this first book :) the style is so entertaining and just simply hilarious, although not all of you might enjoy this type of humor... :) I personally loved it :) it was full of sass and sarcstic banter and that's definitely my favourite kind... :) not to mention that this author has an amazing ability to create very diverse characters and I love them all... well, not all, but you know what I mean :) Sam is a hero I connected with a lot... he may be young, but there were moments when he really surprised me with his a lot more mature than I expected behaviour... yeah, he has completely silly moments as well but they certainly don't ruin the impression :) Gary, the hornless gay unicorn is the absolute Queen of Sass :) his outrageous sarcastic comments made me snort-laugh more than once :) Tiggy is adorable with how protective he is of his friends... Ryan is all swoonworthy and knightly and stuff... ;) his interactions with Sam are just... you'll see ;) but who surprised me the most is Morgan... I did not expect to love the king's wizard as much as I did... his friendship with Sam, the way he supports him and cares for him... how close they are to each other... *sighs happily* there is one scene in the book that makes me tear up to this day when I think about it... of course there are quite a few more, but I can't name them because of spoilers... ;) nonetheless, they were all brought to life by an absolutely amazing narrator, Michael Lesley :) yep, I listened to the audiobook version of this story and I highly recommend you guys to do it as well... they way this man voices different people... I couldn't believe that it's just one person :) all of them have distinctive voices and the whole performance really adds to the story... :) not that the story needs it, because the book itself is fabulous :) full of sarcastic banter, friendships, adventures, surprises... like you-are-gonna-fall-from-your-chair surprises :) trust me, I could sit here all day... a few days even, and tell you all the reasons why this book is amazing... :) you're not a fan of fantasy? give this book a try either way... :) you don't like audiobooks? give this particular audiobook a go, you will be surprised :) just... please... if you haven't already, give this amazing gem a try... it's so wonderful... so funny and yet so emotional in the most surprising places... I have no words good enough to really describe all my love for this book... so just go read it already ;)

This is like Asprin’s M.Y.T.H.s but with gays, and butt jokes, and UST SO MUCH UST OMG!!!Immensely enjoyed every single page. If I had to talk about it like a proper grown up I’d say that it is hilarious, sassy, liberated and non-apologetic. I would also add it made me feel feelings, and managed to surprise me quite a few times.It also has a fairly unique quality of being an at least R-rated gay live story written by a man. I’ve been reading fanfiction and writing these kinds of stories for YEARS and I am totally delighted we girls got it pretty close, apparently.On AO3 I’d describe it as crack, UST and smut with feelings. But surprisingly wholesome.An awesome read for those who can handle dad jokes, sex puns and a magnificent hornless horny unicorn getting down to business with… oh but that would be a spoiler, so I’ll stop here.

Estória criativa, universo interessante, muito riso, romance e alguma delicadeza. Algumas cenas comoventes, que me levaram às lágrimas. Muito bem escritas.A última estrela faltou porque achei tantas insinuações sexuais cansativas, bobas e excessivas. Os diálogos são engraçados até certo ponto. Acho q uma revisão cuidadosa seria bem-vinda.

Soo, I just finished reading the Green Creak series (for the 2nd time in just 2 months) and needed something, something GOOD to not start it for the 3rd time. I started reading the description of this book, got to the mention of gay unicorn - atopped reading and just ordered the whole series.I was NOT dissapointed.It's hilarious. And sassy. And sweet and SO gay I might sing from joy.Will definitely read it again. After I read the whole series, of course.

È un libro fantastico, una serie meravigliosa, non c'è niente da aggiungere, TJ Klune è il mio autore preferito in assoluto, consiglio vivamente di leggere i suoi libri, sono stupendi e ricchi di sentimenti, amicizia, gioia, dolore e anche erotismo ma non in maniera eccessiva, ma soprattutto hanno un lato divertente che non ti stanchi mai di leggere, i suoi libri sono emozione in tutti i sensi

unreal. no like really. but so damn entertaining ! i think i'm in love with every character in this book even if they're completely wtf. amazing

Este es uno de los mejores libros que he leído. Tiene de todo.